The Honesty Collective
by babybread
Summary: Shinji wants to come of age in any way he possibly can while Gendo tries to get back out there. slight AU, certain OOC. kawoshin & other pairings (WIP)
1. Well, I'm Going to Try to be Brave

**CHAPTER ONE**

Sitting at the table eating breakfast, Shinji was working on his homework from yesterday. He promised himself he would do it as soon as he got home from school but instead he decided to be a participant in a lengthy three way call with Asuka and Toji. _Maybe_ he was a smart kid, maybe he was average; but he just didn't do his work. He was always distracted, the teachers wrote on his report cards, always staring at the ceiling or doodling. Despite his many efforts to finally step up and pay attention to the boring drone of the teachers' voices, he fell short each time. He wanted high school to be over forever, and he wanted to just leave home and live in an apartment somewhere downtown.

That was his dream, just leaving home; but he had no money, no car and no job. _The world is so much bigger than this_, he thought_. I can actually be someone outside of here_. He felt a _little_ bad about wanting to leave his father alone, though he knew he shouldn't feel _anything_. He did anyway.

Gendo Ikari was in his bedroom getting ready for the morning. One of the things he'd never admit about his personality was that he tried a little too hard to look good without it being _too obvious_ to anyone around him. When he gets ready, his anxiety hits an all-time high as he tries to flatten the hairs that are out of place with a comb. He tries on all different colors of the same type of sweater he has in his closet. Today, much to his chagrin, his skin tone is surprisingly pasty instead of his usual tan due to his tossing and turning all night. He can't find a sweater color that makes him look normal.

He should've saved the showering for the morning but he was feeling especially lazy this Friday. In front of the bathroom sink, he wets his hands and smoothes the various cowlicks scattered across his head. He goes with the navy blue sweater. An average choice. On his bedside nightstand, there is a glass of water from last night, half full, standing beside an orange bottle of prescription medication; SSRIs. Now-Gendo was secretive to a certain degree with everyone, but Shinji didn't know about his father's condition, and Gendo preferred it to be that way. He'd rather Shinji just think he's being weird and cold than for him to think he was some unstable person. After an unnecessarily huge gulp, he finds himself ready for the day.

At the table, the frail boy is biting his toasted bread with an egg and lettuce on it. He pours a hefty amount of okonomiyaki sauce on it, something he does that his father really hates. And he's busted- Gendo leaves his bedroom at last, ruining Shinji's plans of putting Kewpie mayonnaise on the bread. His father shakes his head, walking to fridge and sighing.

"Oh God- Shinji. Really? In the morning again?"

"What?"

"That's so gross," he gags as he retrieves a small pitcher of black coffee from the fridge and microwaves it. Shinji squints in disbelief at this.

"Well, I, uh, I was finishing some homework from last night. I think my biology grade is improving," Shinji says, beaming, "Deguchi is pretty happy with me, she told me so yesterday after our tutoring session. It's kind of funny, I think she's liking me more now that I'm getting smarter and participating. Kind of been showing me favoritism lately. Oh and Asuka's getting really jealous about it because she's...the..." His voice trails off when he realizes his father is looking at the newspaper that is placed on the granite kitchen island. Shinji shakes his head and completes his work.

Gendo sips his coffee and reads for a while before noticing the silence in the room. "Hm? What?"

"I-it's just that school's starting in... forty minutes and it takes us ten to get there. I gotta get there early. Grade related. B-Biology."

Gendo sighs. He had been used to Shinji walking to school by himself in the beginning of the school year but then he got attacked on the way there a few times so he had to be driven to the premises every morning. "Okay, yeah. Do you have everything with you?"

"Yes, I do," he blurts out as he stuffs all his homework into his messenger bag. He winces as he hears the papers crunching. He runs to the living room to get into his uniform coat off the couch and is hastily pulling his socks on. Gendo takes his time, neatly folding the newspaper and drinking the whole cup of coffee as Shinji slips into his shoes at the front door.

"I-I'll be at the car, Dad!" he shouts, slamming the door behind him.

Inside the car, Gendo and Shinji sit in silence, a bluesy rhythm playing on the radio. Shinji won't tell it to his face, but he actually enjoys his father's smooth driving. Gendo stares straight ahead, squinting in the sunlight, despite the fact he is wearing his visor glasses. Shinji regrets sitting in the front. _Why does he have to make it so icy cold up here? _He hugs his arms closer to his body and tries to generate his own heat.

Shinji taps the small touch screen and changes the radio station to a tooth achingly sweet J-Pop song. His father looks at him from the corner of his eye.

"Why'd you change it?"

"I just... I... You don't like blues, Dad."

"But I don't like this either. It's disturbing."

"It's not, it's like… a cool surprise! The girl singing is in her late twenties but she sounds like a 12 year old! Like a persona. That's the trend. It shows her talent. Like a singer and an actress combined."

"Not only is it disturbing, it's disgusting. I'm changing this." He taps the screen quickly. A very enthusiastic saxophone tune with a slinky guitar riff comes on. Shinji immediately feels uncomfortable, so he changes the station again.

"This is S. Okada; here with your daily dose of metal melodies. Today's news: last night, drummer Eaki, of Free Time Whore died due to a cocaine overdose in a motel after a concert. Here _is Chinese Photosynthesis_, by his side project, Tinsel."

Then the car's speakers violently throb, the bass rumbling through the seats, causing the whole vehicle to shake. Forgetting to man the car as he covers his ears, Gendo swerves and almost hits his head on the wheel. He steadies the vehicle, turns the radio's volume off, and then smacks the screen with an open palm. The screen goes black as a robotic voice says "Bye, Ikaris".

"What the hell was that, Shinji?" he asks, seething, one hand adjusting his visor glasses and the other pulsing on the wheel.

"Wh- You're asking me? I don't know, do you think I listen to that? You think I listen to that on a daily basis? I question what kind of stuff _you _listen to."

"I really, really don't understand why you hate saxophones so much. Honestly."

"Dad. That's porn music."

"I- Nn? What the- Shinji, you shouldn't be throwing those kinds of words around," Gendo says, eyeing his son. Shinji points at the road, and Gendo roughly brakes as they almost touch a stopped sport car's bumper, hitting traffic. "Shit."

Shinji turns away and holds his breath, stifling back a laugh.

"We are so close- the place is literally right there and we_ have_ to hit traffic. This is really dangerous, having a school on a main street. Look at that! They're drag racing. They're actually doing that in front of a school." Gendo feels his shoulders tense and his jaw twitching; Shinji looks out the window and spots his group of friends standing in front of the school, a large cathedral-esque building. His feet wiggle in excitement. The traffic clears up and Gendo sighs, hitting the gas pedal.

Gendo opens the doors and looks at his son. Shinji glances around the car awkwardly before looking at his father. "You have your biology homework?" Gendo asks. Shinji nods.

"You've got to focus. It'd be good to have more teachers on our side."

"You're right, Dad. I'll see you at home! After Kaworu's place."

"Is his m- Is... he okay with that?"

"Yeah, his foster mom is going to pick us up. Well! Gotta go, bye Dad!"

Shinji exits the car, clumsily slipping off of the foot step, and closes the door weakly. Gendo shuts it correctly and watches as his son runs off the join a large group of kids- maybe 5 or 6. This simple scene reminds him of something from his youth, but he doesn't remember having that many friends. In fact, he doesn't quite remember _what_ it reminds him of. His hand drops from the car door handle onto the still warm passenger seat. He sighs. He shakes his head to himself and drives off.

As Shinji joins the group, a taller boy with grayish hair grabs his arms and kisses him on the head in greeting. The tall boy smiles and clings on to Shinji. The behavior is strange, a little _too _intimate, to the students and teachers passing by, but they dismiss it as your normal, everyday adolescent skinship. Just something boys do.

"Hey," he says.

"H-hi, Kaworu."

"Was that your dad?" he asks, cocking his head in question.

Shinji nods. "Y-yeah, he drops me off in the morning now."

"You still up for my place after school?"

The kids gasp. Shinji blushes. "What?" he whines. The others laugh at him.

"Ooh, Shinji-i-i!" Asuka screams. "That's _so_ risqué. You're sneaky! I've never ever seen you act so rebellious! Does your _Dad_ know about this?"

"Wh- I mean yeah, of, of course he does. He said he was fine with it..."

"I take it your pa Gendo doesn't know about your 'condition'?" Toji asks, making quotations marks in the air, then playfully punching Shinji on the shoulder.

Shinji stumbles. "O...w. 'Condition'? What do you mean? I- My dad doesn't ask about school much."

"Shinji, you're really so innocent," Kensuke sighs, adjusting his glasses. "Don't you get it? I sorta get why your daddy doesn't, but what does it mean if you, yourself, don't know 'bout it?"

"Kensuke- you're being hypocritical. You're not exactly _not_ innocent. I know you. And I just really, really don't get what you guys are talking about!" Shinji laughs nervously.

"Oh, God, boy, don't depress Kaworu-kun," Asuka groans. "Right, Rei?"

Rei does the tiniest nod. Shinji looks at her and mouths _"I don't get it?"_ and hopes for help from the infamously blunt girl, but she turns away. Shinji looks at the ground and Kaworu squeezes his hand. All together, they walk into the building, Shinji lagging behind.

* * *

Gendo arrives at the NERV HQ where he works. As soon as he walks in, he can tell that it's going to be a boring and possibly uneventful day. The main room is almost empty except for Fuyutsuki and Misato with Hyuga as the only computer technician there. Gendo feels his face suddenly flush. He takes his visor glasses off. He wants to be rude and ask what the hell's going on but he just walks louder to get everyone's attention. They all turn around.

"Good morning, Ikari-san."

"Hello! Gendo!"

"Hey there."

"Hey, everyone- uh, what's... what's up with this?" He waves his hand at the room.

The three others exchange glances and smirks. Fuyutsuki laughs. "You don't remember, Ikari-san? It's Friday. You specifically said last week that today everyone who was having lunch with you at the time was off. And we were the lucky ones who weren't there during the lunch break. We all just so happened to be out. Hyuga was ill and I was picking up takoyaki for me and you."

"I... said that?"

"Well," Misato says, "you were asleep and us three were not there _at the time_. Well I was here but not _there_, y'know? I was stuck in the bathroom- but like, all the people were there and they were asking you during your nap if they could have a day off and you like- _sleep talked_ and said 'Oh, my employees, next Friday, you all are free.' Maya told me so on the phone! It was so funny." The two other men laugh at Misato's Gendo impersonation.

"Th...That's not how I talk."

Hyuga giggles. "Yeah Misato-chan; Maya told me that he said that too. Did you hear _her_ impression of Gendo-san?" he asks. "It was _really_ good. She should be a voice actress."

"Yeah," Misato laughs, words coming out of her mouth in comical squawks. "That was classic. On Monday, let's ask her to do it."

They laugh and Gendo sighs. He puts on his regular glasses. "Well, sorry guys for making you all come in today. Katsuragi, Hyuga, and Fuyutsuki- you all can go home. NERV's having a three day weekend."

"Woohoo!" Misato screams. "I mean! Really? Gendo? Are you being serious? Are you sleep talking? You do look kind of sleepy today."

"I'm not sl- Yes. I'm being serious. You all have the day off too. There's no point in having a four member crew today. Waste of resources, whatever. Just- just go home. Monday, we'll contin-"

"Thanks! Thank you, Gendo-kun! I mean- ah who cares, bye everyone!" Misato laughs in a screeching tone. She slips a little, recovers then runs out the door, her purse flailing in the wind behind her.

Hyuga neatly sorts his desk out and gets up from his chair. He walks towards Gendo and smiles. "Thanks for this, Ikari-san. Bye-bye," he says with a smile. "See you." He gives him a tiny wave.

Gendo watches the young man leave.

"Ikari. Before we take the day off, join me in the office for some morning wine. Got two bottles."

"Right now? It's sort of early don't you think?"

"Yeah, I must admit so, but it's **Chardonnay**."

"Ah, say no more."

* * *

In his biology class, Shinji sits in back of Rei. He examines her hair, since there's nothing better to do. He still feels down from the teasing earlier. Not even Rei would tell him what on earth that was. He searched the corners of his brain for answers but only found their faces laughing at his.

"Everyone," Mrs. Deguchi says, "pass up your homework from yesterday!"

Shinji pulls his crumpled papers from his bag. He tries to straighten them with his palms but they end up even more wrinkled than before. He sighs as he looks over his work. It's perfect, for once, free of forgotten names and dates. He passes it to Rei. Her pale hand takes it from him. Her head recoils a little as she inspects it.

"Ikari... This isn't very nice looking. It's wrinkled. Deguchi's going to get angry at you. It's a bit pathetic."

"I was rushing this morning! I-I wasn't thinking! Geez, Ayanami."

"Look... watch this-" she then proceeds to hold the papers on the edge of the desk and pulls them up and down, successfully flattening out most of the wrinkles.

"Woah- Rei! Thanks!"

Hikari turns around. "Your work, you guys! Let's be prompt here. I'm missing Ikari's. We have to be punctual with these papers." She takes them away from Rei.

Rei turns around and whispers. "Prompt, punctual papers, Ikari. Make sure they're pretty and purely polished." She turns and looks at her desk, with a shy smile.

Shinji laughs. He really enjoys Rei's company, even if she is quiet sometimes. But her funniness about the papers doesn't make up for how she didn't help him this morning.

"Um... Ayanami..?" he says under his breath.

"Yes, Ikari?" She doesn't look at him.

"What was everyone talking about earlier? About me? Toji said something about a 'condition'. What did he mean? And Asuka?"

Shinji can see her sighing. Her exhale is apparent and over exaggerated. The back of her uniform dress shifts.

"Ikari-kun, promise not to get mad at me. Since I'm not the one who's been saying these things... I've only heard from the others."

"Tell me, Rei. I won't get mad, I promise, I swear."

"Shinji... everyone thinks you and Nagisa are romantically involved with each other."

"Wh-what?!" he gasps. "I don't think I heard that quite right!"

"Sssh!" Hikari hisses.

Rei turns around. "People are saying you and Kaworu have relations. Boyfriends."

* * *

In his office, Fuyutsuki busts out two bottles of white wine and pours some for Gendo.

Gendo takes a conservative sip. "God bless Kaji, the idiot. Where did he even get this?"

"Some women from NERV in America," Fuyutsuki replies. "Past flings."

"He gets around, huh?" Gendo laughs softly, as he finishes the whole glass. "More."

"Pace yourself, Ikari. We have to pay our respects to those forgotten women."

"Drinking to those who slept with Kaji and never got a call back."

They laugh.

"Kaji's a dick," Gendo says, with a light cough. "He's stupid and he's bound to get beat up one day. Heck, I'd beat him up. For free."

"He's just kinda young. Personally, I see that's one of his advantages. His usefulness comes from the fact that he's a. young, b. handsome and c. literate."

"Literate, but stupid."

They laugh again. Fuyutsuki pours Gendo two more glasses, and drinks a bit more himself, because he can handle it. The office becomes slightly noisy with laughter. They become drunker as glasses clink and feet stomp and hands hit the desk. Gendo's cheeks are pink and he's covering the lower part of his face with his hand. Swaying a little, his eyes shut and he has a huge smile on his face. Fuyutsuki laughs harder at Gendo's snorting than at his jokes.

"Hey," Gendo slurs, "what the hell was up with Hyuga like- right now before he left?"

"Iono, but I get you... He sounded so girly. Like a chick."

"Why'd he w- why'd he wave at me like that?"

"I dunno, kinda seemed to me like he was flirting witcha."

"Really?" Gendo gasps, laughing. "He's a homo? Like, a real life one?"

"Ch- _duh._ He's like obviously so. It's funny because I heard Shigeru had to reject him before."

"Aoba? Aoba's not gay, it'd make no sense."

Fuyutsuki ponders for a while. "But he does look more like a chick than Hyuga. Though if you had Aoba's body and Hyuga's voice, you'd have a girl, huh?"

Gendo laughs so hard he gets hiccups and slowly slides off his chair onto the floor. The impact makes one big hiccup come out of him and then- silence.

He clears his throat and speaks. "I've been kinda wondering... about myself," he says in a soft voice.

"What do you even _mean_?" Fuyutsuki asks, looking down at the fallen man.

"Like," Gendo says, biting his nails, "ever since Yui died... I haven't really been with anyone. Like Shinji's already gonna be out in the world soon and I'm freakin' lonely."

"Have you talked to any of the girls?"

"Y- No, well, it's just that... I'm thinking, I'm just thinkin', I don't really like the girls here or anywhere." He gets back up on his chair and sits down, holding his knees close to his chest.

"I get you. Tokyo's full of bitches, huh?"

"No- no, I th... After today I think I kind of like Hyuga," Gendo blurts out, covering his face in his knees.

"Wha-at? Like, you _like-like_ him? Like..." Fuyutsuki looks around the room. "In a gay way?" he whispers.

"Y-yeah, yeah, I think so."

Gendo leans back on his chair, and holds on to the arm rests as if he's going to fall off again. He crosses his legs and his flush wears off. In a more steady voice, he asks, "If he's into me, and I'm into him... who should make the first move?"

"I mean he _did _seem pretty gay for you, like, in a super gay way. You're more of a man so in _my_ opinion, you make _the _move first."

"Didn't he technically make the first move?" Gendo asks. "He- he _waved _at me."

"It was more of a hint don't you think?"

"You're right. You're so right, Kozo. I gotta do it."

"Here, I have him as a contact so- I dare you to take his number off my phone then call him tonight." Fuyutsuki gives him his cell phone. "I dare you."

"What? No way- I can't! You know I can't!"

"What you _can't _do is go back on a dare, Ikari."

* * *

In the cool autumn afternoon after school, Shinji waits outside the gym doors for Kaworu to finish basketball practice. He holds his messenger bag close to his chest, trying to relieve the anticipation and nervousness. His stomach feels full of butterflies and his legs are shaking. He looks through the little glass windows of the heavy doors and sees that the basketball players are retrieving their duffel bags. The other boys are talking to Kaworu, motioning with their hands. Kaworu shakes his head, pointing a thumb at the door.

"Eeep!" Shinji whines, hiding out of the players' field of vision. The doors open, and Shinji covers his head with his school jacket.

"Hey, Shinji."

He uncovers his head and blinks. It's Kaworu, still in his basketball uniform.

"D- You didn't go to the lockers?"

"Nah… I was just fuckin' around during practice. Didn't sweat at all." Kaworu moves his legs, pale and hairless, and Shinji looks at his blue mesh shorts as he places his feet on and off a nearby bench, one at a time, repeatedly. They hike up, gently revealing his white thighs.

"Wh-what are you doing?"

"Just some after game stretches. I sat on the bench too much," Kaworu laughs. "My mom should be up front. You ready? We can order a pizza? You got a curfew?"

"No- Dad… Dad's at work. He didn't give me a t-time. But I don't want to get him mad."

"Sure," Kaworu says as he takes Shinji's bag and coat. He signals with his head, _C'mon. _"I can walk you home after."

Shinji doesn't say anything. He follows Kaworu to the pick-up area of the school. His foster mom's car is a silver SUV, and Shinji can imagine Kaworu and others from the team going out to eat after practice. Kaworu opens the back door for Shinji, who goes in as carefully as he can, so he won't embarrass himself and fall in front of Kaworu and his mom. Kaworu closes the door behind Shinji, and rides shotgun. Kaworu's mom looks older, older than Shinji's own father. She's got gray hairs and small eyes surrounded by crow's feet. She looks kind, like someone who makes cookies often. _She probably bakes on a professional level_. As if she could hear his thoughts, she turned around and smiled at Shinji.

"Hello! You must be Ikari-san! I'm Nagano Asa- Kaworu's foster parent. Kaworu has spoken about you a lot!"

"N-nice to meet you, Nagano-san! I-I'm happy to be able to meet you!" Shinji says, blushing furiously.

Kaworu turns back to look at Shinji and gives him a wink.

"Now- boys, I've got to go to the rummage sale at the convention center. Gonna be back at 1. I'm gonna drop you off. Kaworu, you've got your key?"

"Yep."

"Okay. There's the pizza coupon, remember, Kaworu?" she pauses to look at him. He nods. "Use that or maybe look in the fridge for the _ichigo sando,_ okay?"

"Mmm-hmm."

The two boys were dropped off at a small house. The front yard is green, with a stone path leading to the door. The garden is very Zen, classically elegant and calming. Moss covered rocks are scattered around a tiny bubbling pond. Late afternoon sunlight touches each stone, each gnarled tree. Kaworu waved at his mom as she drove away; then when she was gone, held Shinji's hand. He pulled him to the front door, and let go of Shinji to unlock it. The door swings open. "Come in, Ikari-kun."

Shinji walks in. The house is very neat, and the furniture is antique looking. Various porcelain figures line the wall's shelves, sitting next to golden trophies. Lace curtains make the room dark; shadows fall on the pearly tiles. Gold dust sparkles underneath clear paint on blood colored mahogany wood. Shinji touches the lacquered brown tables gently and examines the Western style couches interestedly. "Nagisa-san, your house is so beautiful. It looks like a castle in here."

"Oh, you should tell that to my mom. She loves the old Victorian type stuff. I had to beg her not to buy some weird baby angel statues. But- thanks, Shinji, I'm glad you like it…" Kaworu grabs his hand again, and kisses the back of it. He rubs said hand against his cheek. He brushes Shinji's golden arm with his palms. The affectionate actions remind him of the morning incident.

"Ka…Kaworu… I have a question."

"Mm?" Kaworu looks up.

"I-I…I heard from Rei that the... others have been talking," he says softly. Kaworu traces his lips slowly across Shinji's wrists.

"What about, Shinji?" the white haired boy whispers. His cool, peaceful voice makes Shinji shiver.

"They've all been talking about _us_!" he says louder, voice squeaking. "Everyone is saying that… that we're _boyfriends_!"

"Is that bad?"

"Well- I…"

"I don't see why that's a bad thing, Shinji-kun."

"I just don't think it's fair for them to be teasing me like that. They all put me on the spot this morning and I just… I hate being embarrassed, okay? I'm weak. It's a mean inside joke to them. I hate being not in on it."

"Oh, Shinji. Here- sit down, sit here." He pushes Shinji on the soft brown couch, and sits next to him. He pulls Shinji's hands onto his lap and strokes them. Shinji doesn't say anything, but looks at Kaworu's deep red eyes. Shinji gulps. Their shoulders touch. Kaworu gets close to his ear and whispers, "Ikari… do you know that I really like you?"

"I like you too, Nagisa. I do. I don't want those rumors to hurt our friendship. They can't just say things about us just because they think it's funny. It's cruel."

"But those rumors don't hurt me at all. It's not like that. Don't you get it?"

"No. I really don't understand anything about this situation, I-"

"Listen to me. I think I'm a little in love with you…Shinji. I really like you." Kaworu pulls Shinji closer to him. Shinji's hand holds onto the back of his neck.

"Huh… Kaworu? Wh… what do you mean? Love?"

"I think you're so beautiful. Maybe I'm slightly crazy about you, but I know love you," Kaworu sighs. He kisses Shinji on the apple of his left cheek, below his eye. "I want you to love me too. You're perfect, you're so perfect to me."

"Me? I…I love…"

"Do you love me?" Kaworu asks, as he holds Shinji. He moves slowly on top of Shinji, straddling him. His basketball shorts are pulled down, and Shinji catches a glimpse of his underwear. He looks away. Kaworu's hand touch the brunette's sides. He pulls Shinji by the wrists, pushing him down, then he's lying on his back on the couch. Shinji can't breathe and his eyes are looking everywhere. _Kaworu. Hair. Ceiling. Porcelain cat._ His mouth opens as if he wants to say something. Kaworu lowers his head and starts to kiss Shinji's lips. Shinji starts to kiss him back, and then Kaworu puts his tongue into his mouth. He gets between the smaller boy's legs. Between kisses, he asks again, "Do you love me?"

"I love you," Shinji says out of breath, nodding. "But… Kaworu- what are you doing?"

Kaworu places Shinji's hands on his chest. The boys breathe slowly, softly. Eyes closed, hips digging into hips. As they kiss, Kaworu starts laughing tiny short laughs every time his lips leave Shinji's.

"Why are you laughing?" Shinji asks nervously. _Am I doing something wrong?_

"You're hard."

"Wh...What?"

"Shinji," Kaworu giggles softly, "you're pretty hard. I felt it on my stomach."

"I- I don't know why! I don't know what to do, I-I'm sorry!" Shinji whimpers. "I don't think I can control that."

"No, it's okay. Can I take off your pants?"

Shinji's chest tightens. He nods and looks away in embarrassment, a hot feeling surging through his legs. Shivers run through his spine as Kaworu's delicate fingers unzip his dark blue uniform pants. He notices how Shinji's breathing quickens. "Hey," he says, "don't worry. I want to help you, Ikari."

"I've never done this before," Shinji moans as Kaworu presses his hand against his groin. Kaworu's hands push up and down slowly in circles, like a massage. His fingers make their way under the white briefs. He pulls them and slides them off his legs. Shinji looks down at Kaworu's hands as they go back to stroking him. "Ah, Kaworu… It-"

"Do you like that, Shinji? It doesn't hurt?"

Shinji shakes his head, which falls back on the couch. The pale fingers tug on him, they go up and push his skin toward the top. Then, two of his fingers fall down, tracing a line against his shaft. They go lower and lower, hitting a soft spot. Shinji shudders. The two fingers go down then press against a very sensitive area. _It tickles; is that how it's supposed to feel? _He trembles.

"Kaworu? I've, I've never had anything in-"

"I'm going to put them inside, okay? Do you want that?"

Shinji nods, then says, "C-can they both fit?"

"I'll test it out with one first…"

A thin fingertip goes inside. Shinji winces then moans. Kaworu looks up at his face, only to see that Shinji's eyes are closed and his hands are grabbing tightly onto the couch pillows. Kaworu pushes further. His whole finger goes in. He pulls it out then goes back in. "Do you want to try another finger?"

"Mm-hmm," Shinji sighs.

Kaworu puts his index and middle fingers together and slides them in upside down. He presses the top, the fleshy mound inside of Shinji. The brunette's bucks his hips upward; Kaworu strokes him with his free hand.

"Ah- ah, Kaworu!"

"Yes?" Kaworu sighs, biting his lip. He feels blood rushing to the bottom of his body. "Do you like this? Do you want more?"

"Yes, yes," Shinji cries. "I just- o-oh!"

The fingers slide out, the hands move off. Kaworu pulls off his underwear and positions himself directly on Shinji. "Shinji?"

"Mmm?" Shinji hums, opening his eyes.

"Do you want me to?"

"I think I'm ready… It feels like there's… heat down there. "

"Okay," Kaworu responds, "I'm gonna do it. Relax…"

Shinji exhales slowly. He feels Kaworu, warm and smooth, at the entrance. Kaworu starts pushing deeper and Shinji feels pressure, but remembers to relax. Kaworu keeps going, slow, and he feels things getting hot and wet. Shinji moans, loudly. His soft, light grunts get louder the farther Kaworu goes in. "Relax. It's okay," Kaworu repeats over and over. Finally, their skin touches. Shinji holds Kaworu's head, tightening small fingers on his hair. Kaworu starts to go in and out, slowly, to loosen up Shinji a bit. When he begins to go little faster, Shinji starts to release short, but loud "Ah!s" and he moves his right hand onto his penis. Kaworu moves Shinji's fingers away from it, and starts jacking him off with his own pale, elegant hand.

"Shinji…" Kaworu moans, panting. "I love you. I love you so much." He starts kissing the other boy.

Kaworu lifts his head and closes his eyes, his eyebrows curving upward. _Do normal people do this? _Shinji wonders. _Were the others right about us? Only boyfriends and girlfriends do this. _One of the things running through his mind as Kaworu works on him, is what will happen when they're done. He knows that he should be focused on the present, but will Kaworu still be his friend and keep him company after this? Shinji cautiously puts a hand, tightly, on Kaworu's upper arm. The pale boy opens his eyes and smiles. His pace is gentle but quick, his touches are amorous and full of care. Shinji blushes. _Does he really love me?_

Kaworu's arms embrace Shinji, and their bodies touch. Their breathing is fast; stomachs rising up and down in unison. Shinji feels the other boy's chest against his. Then Kaworu makes a loud breathy grunt. "Kaworu-kun? What's wrong?"

"Oh- God, Shinji, I'm gonna cum."

Kaworu starts going harder and faster. Shinji's body starts sweating and he lets soft screams out of his throat. He feels himself leaking onto his stomach. Shinji whimpers as Kaworu thrusts with such force; he makes the other boy move against the arm of the couch. Kaworu releases a deep, long groan and Shinji feels tight, then wet. Shinji exhales, his body dripping. He feels it sliding under his thighs. _We got the couch messy…_ Kaworu collapses next to him. They lay together, sweating and panting, tangled in each other's arms. Shinji holds the pale boy's arms closer to his chest because at this point, he never wants to let him go.

* * *

Gendo rests on the couch at home, dressed in his evening clothes. The first few buttons on his shirt are undone and his collar is loose. His hair is messy from him rubbing it on the sofa pillows and running his hands through it due to his nervous state of mind. He drinks a room temperature UCC coffee in front of the TV. The small canned coffee belonged to his son, but Gendo felt the boy wouldn't mind. A game show is on, running silently. The white noise soothes him, because he doesn't want to feel alone. His cellphone is in his left hand. His thumb on is placed on the call button; the green phone icon glowing in the dim room. _Is it rude to call someone at 8 pm? _He sighs and thinks about the talk he had with Fuyutsuki at the NERV HQ. Staring at the wall clock, he realizes Shinji isn't coming home anytime soon. Surprising. He turns the TV off. He throws the coffee can on the floor.

_It's been years since Yui died, it's been years since I've been on a date. I need this._

_**I need this.**_

He pushes the green button.


	2. Maybe I Can't Take It

**CHAPTER TWO**

"Hello? Who is this?"

"Hey there, Hyuga," Gendo says, trying to make his voice not shake too much. He traces a trembling finger on the couch absentmindedly.

"Boss? Ikari-san, is that you?"

"Yep, Misato, uh, gave me your number," he lied.

"Oh? Is something wrong?" _Am I the kind of boss that when I call my employees, they think something bad's happened?_ _I don't think I've had a normal phone call with anyone in a long time._

"No, no. Don't worry." He takes a deep breath then says, "I just wanted to ask you if you want to go out tonight. Maybe for some drinks."

"Drinks? Really? I'd love to." Pause. "Yes, mmhmm, I'm free tonight. I need a ride, though."

"I'll pick you up. Where do you live?" Gendo starts to button his shirt and searches frantically for his coat.

"I'm on Yakan, at Wisteria apartments," Hyuga instantly answers in a light, peppy tone.

"Be there in fifteen."

"I'll wait for you!" He hangs up.

_That was easy. _

But something is not quite complete. Gendo goes to his bedroom and opens a drawer in his dresser. He quickly sprays himself with his most **expensive** cologne and tries to make his hair not look messy but not neat like a dork. He stops in front of the mirror beside his TV and looks into it. He takes off his work glasses and blinks. _Ugh._ On his desk are two other pairs of glasses. His visor ones and his casual ones. Having three pairs of glasses might seem strange, but the decision to own them saved his life. He puts on the casual ones. Gendo decides he's ready and he's out the door and in his car in less than 5 minutes.

Gendo's car is sleek and black, with dark red leather upholstery and black lacquered wood details. The windows are so darkly tinted, one can't see inside. He pulls out of the driveway and into the street, from there he makes his way to Hyuga's apartment. Yakan Street isn't too far from Gendo's house; at the most it's 20 minutes away. His grip tightens on the wheel. _What kind of music should I play on our drive to our date location? Hyuga's young… so…_

He drives down the road to Shinji's school then turns halfway onto one of the shopping streets. Straight, then right, he finds himself on the wide road known as Yakan.

Wisteria apartments are at the end of the street, standing at the cul-de-sac. Gendo parks in front of them and sees Hyuga standing under the buildings stairs. Hyuga looks up and waves, the kind he gave Gendo that morning. He walks hurriedly toward him. He passes under a streetlamp, which gives Gendo a good view of what he's wearing. Casual but not fancy- so they've got to go somewhere not_ too_ classy _but not _raunchy. Gendo unlocks the car door. Hyuga gets in, a cool breeze following him.

"Hey, Ikari-san. Thank you for letting me hang out with you tonight," he says with a tiny smile. He closes the door and puts on his seatbelt.

"Hello, Hyuga-"

"No, sir- I think you should call me Makoto tonight! I mean we're hanging out together as friends! Don't have to be formal with me." He laughs with a soft airy tinge to his voice.

"Okay," Gendo responds, putting the car into drive. He looks behind him as he reverses. "So, then, Makoto. Have any idea where we should go?"

"Mmm… for drinks I think we could go to Serena's but I'm underdressed for that so… Oh! I think La Chambre has a special tonight for pairs… You know La Chambre?"

"I think I've heard of it... Ibuki talks about it."

"It's on Guren. It's a bar slash restaurant. Singles get like no cover but pairs get no cover _and _twenty percent off drinks so…"

"That sounds good," Gendo replies, pretending to understand, "I'm paying for it all tonight, but I want you to have as much as you want."

"Aw, really? Thanks but I want to know- is anyone else coming with us? Misato? Maya?"

"Why w- No. Just you and I."

Hyuga places his elbow on the armrest between him and Gendo. Heat radiates from the young man's body. He notices the radio and immediately turns it on and looks through the stations. He leaves it on something alternative and edgy with a fast guitar and a lot of bass; something foreign to Gendo. Hyuga lowers the volume with his thin fingers so they can talk.

"I really like your car, Ikari-san. What are the seats? Leather? PVC? Ah, I love it." He strokes the seats and bites his lip. "I've never seen such a color before on this kind of material. I mostly see black."

"They're leather. European. This is sort of pretentious but I like black and red together."

"Ooh, Europe? And no- no! That's not pretentious! I agree," Hyuga sighs, "I just love these colors. I love this car."

When they arrive at La Chambre, the young man at the door, dressed in all black with bleached hair, greets Gendo with a bow and Hyuga with a personal-looking touch on the shoulder.

"Makoto-san? You're back! It's been months. Is_ this_ your partner?"

"Hey, Shimeru! Yeah, he is. He's Ikari-san! He's my boss!"

"Really?" Shimeru looks at Gendo then back at Hyuga, with a somewhat impressed looking smile. "I didn't know it could be_ that_ way. Well- since you're a couple, you guys can just come in."

"Thanks," Hyuga says, hugging the bouncer.

Inside the place, various metal rods line the walls, which are made of a rubbery hot pink material. Hooks hang from the ceilings and various kinds of chains are displayed at the bar, behind the bartender. Lights with fishnet lampshades hang above the counter. Red light bulbs sparkle on the top of the walls. Gendo has so many questions and he waits until he and Hyuga are sitting at a booth, which has black leather seats covered in tiny raised spikes.

"Um- Makoto?"

"Mm? Yes, Ikari-san?"

"Was the boy at the door really… is that really his name? Why'd his parents name him that?"

"Oh- yeah. Well, not his_ real_ name. It's 'cause that what he's into. Not my thing. Look- I know the waitress too, wait until you hear _her _name. It's just part of the act."

A tall woman in black heels comes to them. "Oh my God- Makoto! You're here? Who's your date tonight?" she asks in a husky voice. Her lips are pink and glittery.

"He-ey, Hikkaku!" Hyuga says, glancing quickly at Gendo with a raised eyebrow as if to say _I told you so_. "This is Ikari-san, my boss. He's never been here."

"Your boss? Here? Wow, Makoto, you're something else! What's you guys' deal? Does he know your-"

"Waaiiit!" he gasps, putting his index finger over his mouth. "Don't tell him now! Just hanging out tonight."

Gendo just stares back and forth at the two. The woman smiles at him. _What is it that I should know?_

"Okay, I'll leave that up to you two. Any drinks tonight?"

"I'll have a Cosmo," Hyuga says, smiling. "Make it _potent. _I want a _loooot _of vodka."

"Uh- just sake," Gendo says, trying to look not so confused.

"O-kay!" Hikkaku says in a cheery voice. "I'll be back soon!"

As she leaves, Hyuga turns his attention to Gendo. He raises his eyebrows. "Did you notice anything about her?"

"N-no… she was wearing huge heels, though."

Hyuga giggles behind his hand. "Oh… Ikari-san… You've got a lot to learn."

Gendo stares at Hyuga, who began opening up more and more to him. Hyuga was extra conservative and shy at work, but he seemed to know every person at the bar. He hummed to the strange, industrial music playing from the speakers. He hadn't had any alcohol yet, but something inside just let loose. It was unusual, however- Gendo found his extroverted behavior to be amusing. When they got their drinks, Hyuga clapped and kissed the waitress on the cheek. He and the waitress talked in low noiseless voices. _Oh no, _Gendo thought, _what if he wasn't hitting on me earlier? Have I taken it too far? _He felt his anxiety increase.

Hyuga slurped on his dark pink beverage, squeezing the accompanied lime into it. Gendo was trying to ease his nerves with sake but started to feel a little shy suddenly. He felt that he got the wrong idea about Hyuga; that maybe this outing wouldn't lead to anything. He quietly exhaled in frustration. Hyuga looked at him.

"Ikari-san, you look so tense. You need a better drink."

"Oh, don't worry. I'm okay-"

"Hikkaku! Eight tequila shots!" Hyuga shouts, waving an arm at the bar. He looks back at Gendo with a smile, tilting his head. "Hey, hey. Don't be shy- I can help you overcome this."

Gendo sighs then downs a big cup of sake. "Thanks, Hyuga. I guess I do need a buzz."

"A buzz?" Hyuga laughs. "This is more than that. This isn't even the next level, we're gonna skip like… three whole levels. This is a shortcut. Have you ever even _had _tequila shots? Oh- oh! Get ready, here they come!"

Eight tiny cups of alcohol appear in front of them. Hyuga hands one to Gendo, their fingertips touching. He then takes one for himself and looks at it with wide eyes and a toothy grin.

"Okay," he snorts, "get ready! One… two… three!" He slams the table and they both drink.

Gendo's throat burns and it's quite the unpleasant experience, but he feels some sort of wild happiness inside of him. He feels like a kid, few years out of college, just like Hyuga. Though he's never had the college experience- he knows he's living it right now. Everything feels so risky and wild, full of adrenaline. After he has his three shots, he's laughing with his head on the table, trying to stack the shot glasses in a pyramid. Hyuga is doing something loud, an impersonation or something, but Gendo doesn't understand a word he's saying. This goes on for a few more minutes before they burp together a couple times. Hyuga calls the tall waitress over and gives her a squeeze as Gendo pays and leaves an impressive tip; much to Hyuga's satisfaction. The two exit the building, arms joined at the elbow as Hyuga winks and waves goodbye to everyone. They get in the car and drive back home.

In the car Hyuga's eating a handful of konpeito he (technically) stole from the waitress. Gendo tries to keep his eyes on the road, but he wants to look at the younger man. Hyuga burps, turns the radio on and falls back on the head rest. The song that comes on after the radio announcer is a smooth jazz tune with a very satisfying **saxophone**. The younger man's legs are wide open, his thin arms rested between them. They get close to Yakan Street.

"I'm not even _that_ drunk," Hyuga says. "Like, I still can think and I can count. I can open my eyes."

"How drunk do you usually get?" Gendo laughs.

"Pre-etty drunk," Hyuga answers through a shy grin. "What about you?"

"Eh, so-so. Today's an exception. I drank twice. With you and Fuyutsuki."

"Fuyutsuki-san? Is that so? Are you like that?" _Burp._ "Is that what you're into?"

"Oh? An alcoholic? I've got Shinji, you know me."

"No, I meant… oh… we're here!" Hyuga retrieves his jacket. "Gendo?"

Gendo looks at him in surprise. "Yes?"

Hyuga smiles, and looks away with his eyes provocatively avoiding Gendo's. "Can you walk me to my door? I go up the stairs…"

"Sure." Gendo turns off the car, his hands hesitating to let go. _Should I take my jacket? Nah. _He takes a deep breath and gets out. He then opens the door for Hyuga and steadies him by holding his arm. He locks the doors with his key button and they walk together to the apartment building. Suddenly, Gendo feels Hyuga become a little more sober, perky almost, as they climb the stairs. At his door, Hyuga thanks Gendo and unlocks the lock to his house. They exchange drunk nods. Gendo turns to go.

"N… Gendo! Wait…"

"Yes? Are you all right?"

"No… come here."

Gendo gets closer and Hyuga pulls the older man by the shirt collar down to his face, giving him a kiss. At first, Gendo is a bit shocked at this, but he decides to keep it going. Hyuga gets increasingly more aroused, moving his tongue around in Gendo's mouth, his grip tightening on his shirt. They slowly back up into the apartment, drunkenly getting out of their shoes, and Gendo shuts the door behind him. Hyuga takes his hand and leads him to his bedroom. After a few minutes of making out and holding on to walls in the dark, Gendo finds himself sitting on a bed with black silk sheets, his hair messy and glasses crooked, watching as Hyuga drunkenly fumbles with a stereo system.

"What do you like, Gendo?"

"I-I uh…"

"I can do anything for you. You said you liked leather, right? Do you like ropes?"

"What?"

A song comes on, a familiar American R&B hit with female vocals fills the room. _Is that a saxophone? Is that some sort of horn…?_ Hyuga kisses Gendo, giggling and snorting, feeling up his legs. His fingers leave Gendo's body and the older man watches his every move with curious eyes. Hyuga moves directly in front of him, his hips moving in slow twirls. His hands slowly unbutton his maroon dress shirt, small peeks of his chest visible to Gendo, who watches carefully. They make eye contact the whole time. Hyuga touches his own bare stomach then drops his shirt on the ground behind him. His body slinks around, almost in slow motion, to the music. His leg moves forward and his foot goes under the bed, and a thin black box comes out. With a smooth motion, his pants slide off of his legs, revealing tight underwear made of some sort of latex material. His hands rub his thighs, and go up to his pelvis to tighten the fabric against his erection. Light reflects off of him. Gendo furrows his brows. _Is that comfortable?_ Hyuga gets on his lap, grinding on him in rotations. He puts his hands on Gendo's chest and pushes him back on his elbows gently. He begins to unbutton Gendo's shirt, while kissing him, as the recipient helps him. His kisses go down below the belt. Hyuga unbuttons Gendo's pants, but leaves his boxers on. _What's he playing at?_ Hyuga looks up at him from his position and smiles. Since things are getting heavy, they take off their glasses.

"Don't look- okay?" he whispers. "Promise?" Gendo nods.

Gendo watches as Hyuga retrieves something from the box on the floor. He hears it open and some metallic clinking sounds. Hyuga comes back up. "Close your eyes," he says. Gendo shuts his eyes. He feels something cool pulled over his eyelids. He hears some snapping and feels a smooth and thin string placed in his hands.

"What's this?"

"Sh- wait, wait. Mm, okay. Open your eyes."

When he opens his eyes, he sees nothing but black. "Is this a blindfold?"

"Mmhmm… I'm ready now so lemme take it off of you," Hyuga replies as he pulls the fabric off of Gendo's eyes. The lights in the room have dimmed.

Hyuga's on his lap, with a collar around his neck and in Gendo's hand is the leash. He looks at the younger man in confusion. "What're you doing?" he asks.

"I've been wanting you so bad, Ikari-kun… I just want to be at your disposal constantly. I love it when your eyes are on me. When I come home from work, I fantasize about the day you just tie me up. You're the only man I've ever wanted to be rough to me. I don't want you to hold back."

"I… Really?"

Hyuga holds Gendo's hand and forms his hand into a fist. "Grab it. Grab it tightly and pull it hard, okay? Don't be gentle with me. Tell me what to do."

Gendo, still in shock, pulls the leash weakly and Hyuga moans on his lap. Hyuga holds Gendo's shoulders and sits directly on Gendo's slightly confused half erection. Gendo tugs at the leash softly and watches as Hyuga throws his head back. Hyuga puts his hand down his underwear and groans as he squeezes himself. He grinds harder, his waist moving in ripples.

"You're so big," he breathes through gritted teeth.

"Hyuga," Gendo says in a strained voice, "why… are you-"

"Gendo…Mmmm... Gendo?"

"Y-yeah?"

"On my nightstand can you get that ring right there?"

Gendo gets it and gives it to Hyuga, who pulls down the latex covering his groin and pulls the ring down on his penis, which seems to have trouble fitting. With his free hand, he runs his fingers through Gendo's beard and sideburns. He slides it down his length the rest of the way and moans as he presses it against Gendo's stomach. The older man watches in silent confusion.

"Can I suck you off?" he pants. "Just pull the leash, okay? You want teeth?"

Gendo watches as the younger man unbuttons his boxers with his thin fingers. "Hyuga, I don't think I want to d-"

"Sh, shhh… Don't be shy, you can be _my_ master this time. Want me to call you Daddy?"

_What? _

Gendo pushes Hyuga off of him. "W-What the fuck?" he stammers, unintentionally raising his voice. He feels like vomiting suddenly.

"I want you, Gendo. _Please_, just- just… can you get that whip over there, be- don't button your pants yet!"

"No, no. I can't. I really can't stay. I just d… Bye, Hyuga." He gets his glasses off of Hyuga's bed, puts them on and tries to hurry out of the apartment. "I can't do this."

"Where are you going, Gendo?" Hyuga cries. "We're not even done."

"I just gotta go, okay?" he replies, voice shaking, as he puts on his shoes at the front entrance. He opens the door.

"We don't have to use the handcuffs!"

Gendo chokes on the freezing air of the night and slams the door behind him. He goes as fast as he can to his car, all while trying to button his shirt up with clumsy fingers. His legs are trembling, weak as he pulls them into the car. He feels his throat tighten, his stomach churning. He wants to just puke it all out but he drives home, foot pressed hard on the gas. The cold sweat on his back and heat of his stomach mix as the car zooms away from his newly acquired problem.

* * *

Shinji wakes in Kaworu's bed. He has Kaworu's arm around him, and he can feel that they're both naked. He sits up in the bed, cursing.

"Kaworu- Kaworu…" he whispers, trying to wake up the pale boy by shaking him. "I fell asleep here. My dad's gonna kill me- it's like… eleven!" He looks out the window of Kaworu's room. The streets of the Tokyo outskirts are dark. "Oh my God, it's possible it could be twelve right now! It looks pitch black out and creepy and-"

Kaworu blinks his eyes open, yawns then stretches. "Hm? Just spend the night," he mumbles sleepily.

"I- I- I don't know if I can even _do _that! What will they think?"

"Boys sleep over at each other's houses, Shinji-kun."

"Yeah, I know that, but… it's just everyone at school will think something! I mean they were suspicious of me even _coming_ here, imagine if they found out I _slept _here!"

"But whatever they'll think will be right. Because we did do something."

Shinji shakes his head. "No, no- Kaworu! I've really, _really_ gotta go home." He pulls his pants on in a rush and slips into his white shirt. "Look," he says as he picks up his bag, "I only told my dad it was an after school thing and not an over the night thing."

"You forgot your underwear," Kaworu laughs as he retrieves a small white bundle from under the bed. He holds it tightly in his fist.

"Ka…Kaworu! Give me that!" he says, jumping on the bed, trying to grab them from Kaworu's quick moving hands. "I can't go home without underwear."

"How would anyone know if you did?" Kaworu asks, his voice low and sultry.

"Please… don't!" Shinji cries as Kaworu stands up with his arm raised to the ceiling. Shinji sprang up and down but not even with his arms outstretched could he get what was rightfully his. The crumpled underwear was too high up for him to reach. The boys' bodies are pressed against each other, just as Kaworu planned it to be. A pale arm wraps around Shinji's waist, and pulls him closer.

"Spend the night. I've always wanted to wake up to you next to me, and this is probably the only chance I'll get for it to happen."

Kaworu pulls Shinji down and covers him with a thick blue comforter. Shinji wants to complain some more, but instead he falls asleep to Kaworu's deep, relaxing humming.


	3. Avoiding Confrontation is What I Do

**CHAPTER THREE**

In the early morning hours after the night at Kaworu's, Shinji snuck out the window of his friend's house and ran home. His shoes slipped on the wet grass. Birds were barely starting to chirp as Shinji jogged home. He wasn't the fastest of runners but he pushed himself, even when his sides starting aching. It was a foggy Saturday dawn, the clouds rolling off of green mountain tops. The sky slowly began to turn purple, then pink. Shinji loved sunrises. He wished he was more poetic and enjoyed the sight of sunsets instead, but all his life he never liked the feeling of things ending.

He passed his school, empty and desolate. The mist shrouded the tall white cross that stood on top of the pile of bricks. Afraid, he held his bag closer to his body. Even though daytime was about to start and the streets were empty, he felt unsafe. It was the eerie silence. The lack of cars and passersby. He felt like a protagonist in a horror film, about to get chopped into pieces. He broke out into a full sprint, his sweat saturating his clothes, his feet cramping. When he got home, he paused in front of the driveway.

The sight was creepier than the dark haze and quiet. His _father's _car was parked crookedly. _What in the world? He never does this. _Why would Gendo Ikari, master of driving, park like that? Shinji ran to his porch and unlocked the door. He gasped at the scene. Shoes, scattered. A coat thrown on the rug, alongside a toppled familiar UCC can. Shinji ran to the kitchen, where he found the coffee machine running. Then he heard retching.

"Dad? D-Dad?" he shouted, running to his father's bedroom.

The noises turn into gagging then he hears his father yell, "Shinji!" _He's in the bathroom! __**His **__bathroom!_

The boy clumsily slides into his father's bathroom, a place he's usually not allowed in. He looks at the marble tiles and the shower with a detachable head then he looks at his dad, who is thrown on said tiles. Gendo holds on to the toilet, wearing a familiar NERV logo t-shirt. His glasses are missing, and Shinji can see himself there on the floor for a second.

"You're wearing your swag from the convention," Shinji gasps through a smile, "and you said you hated t-"

"Shi-" Gendo wheezes before turning back to the toilet.

"I hope you disinfected that before you stuck your face into it," Shinji scolds as he retrieves a towel. He puts it around his father's shoulders. "A bucket is more sanitary."

"Disinfect- What do you know about disinfecting? You're always leaving piss on the-" _Pu-uke._

"Gee, Dad," Shinji says, frowning, "what on earth happened to you yesterday?"

"None of your concern. I think I should be the one asking you that. Care to- _ugh- _explain?"

"Just… I spent the night at Kaworu's. I-I felt that it wasn't safe to go home so late… and he let me stay."

"You really should've told me," Gendo replies in a hoarse voice, slowly getting up. He walks to the sink to wash his hands and face. "I was wo… I was getting impatient sitting here." Shinji awkwardly stands by, wringing his hands.

"D-do you need me to clean up or…?"

"Not **yet**. But now that you mention it- it'd be the perfect punishment for you after what you did."

"Dad, I_ told_ you what happened."

"But that doesn't really excuse the fact that I was puking all night without you to help."

"I-I'm really sorry, Dad," Shinji sighs, "I didn't mean for th-_that_ to happen."

"Well, while you're here, can you help me get over this goddamn ha- headache? Bring me a coffee."

Shinji spent all Saturday nursing his father back to health and then spent Sunday locked up in his room, trying to hide; trying to bury his secrets.

* * *

**Monday**

"I don't think I can do it, Fuyutsuki. I'm still feeling pretty bad from my hangover."

"Okay, Ikari. I'll take over for today."

**Tuesday**

"I still feel crap. I _think_ I overdosed on anti-acids."

"I don't think that's possible. Are you telling me you still have a hangover? You can't hold your drinks down, huh?"

"Well I don't feel good. Does anyone need me?"

"Nothing important has happened." _Sigh._ "Just stay home."

**Wednesday**

Nothing. Fuyutsuki gets a phone call from Kaji, though.

**Thursday**

"Ikari, you should come to work."

"Fuyutsuki… I need you to be in command today. Just one more day."

"Okay, okay. Fine. I will- but don't come in tomorrow. Instead, come play shogi with me at my place. Friday night. At six."

"_Shogi?_ You know I'm bad at that."

"You should have thought about it before you decided to skip work."

* * *

The week went by quickly and uneventfully; the days filled with mindless behavior. Shinji (rudely) avoided Kaworu because the thought of seeing him made his mind wary. He felt if people so much as saw him standing next to the pale boy they'd find out what happened. He mostly hung out around the lockers by himself during the free time he had throughout the day. He just worked on his homework instead of socializing, occasionally talking to Rei. But then on Friday he decided to emerge from his position by the lockers to drink some water from the fountain. This freedom felt nice so he went to the cafeteria to eat by himself in the corner. _They won't see me if I hurry up._

It had been one week after the liaison on the fancy couch, and during the "secret" lunch period Kaworu approached him.

Shinji spots the boy storming toward him. He tries to eat as much from his bento as he can, avoiding eye contact with his friend. The boy, fuming, sits right next to Shinji and closes the lid on his bento.

"Wh-"

"Hey, Shinji- where the hell have you been?" Kaworu asks in a heated voice.

"I-I- Kawo-"

"I can't believe you left while I was sleeping last Friday then had the nerve to totally ignore me all week. Was I just some sort of game to you?"

"No-no! Kaworu, that's not what it's like at all! You know I'm not that kind of person!"

"Well, how can _I _know? Because you certainly are acting like that!"

Shinji turns his head in all directions of the room before leaning in and replying, "I… I know the others are going to say something. I know it's been a week, and I'm really sorry. I swear. But I know Asuka's going to make a vulgar comment. I'm scared all right? The whole weekend I just felt my dad would figure out all of a sudden. The only person I've been talking to is Rei because _I know_ she isn't going to ask me about you. Kaworu, I'm really sorry. "

Kaworu's shoulders drop. He sighs, and after a few seconds Shinji thinks he's about to laugh. "I know I shouldn't say this because you're really paranoid…but…"

"Yes?"

"Don't take this the wrong way, Shinji, but I think you've raised people's suspicions even more."

Shinji turns red. "Wh-what?!" he shrieks. People glance and whisper. He lowers his head. "But I haven't said a word!"

"Well, smart one, you didn't talk to me for days so, during algebra, Toji asked me why. I lied out my ass saying that we had an argument but _everyone_ in class didn't really buy it. So Asu-"

"He-ello, boys!" a shrill voice squeals. "Shinji-kun, Kawo-oru."

_Oh my God-_

Asuka clunks herself on the seat in front of them, setting a fancy plate with a grilled squid down. She smiles obnoxiously as she pulls a huge purse from her backpack. She dumps the contents of the pink bag on the table, revealing a disturbing amount of green tea Kit-Kats.

"Asuka," Shinji whispers in disbelief, "where… where did you get that many Kit-Kats?"

"The lovely, young Misato gave 'em to me. We bought out _two whole stores_ this morning! She took the rest with her."

"There's more?" Shinji gasps. "And I thought Misato was on a diet?"

"Oh, Shinji, when a woman like _her _says she's on a diet… does she really follow through? Honestly. Besides- I was just buying two for myself and she snapped and bought them all. It was her gift to me. You should tell your dad to give her a raise."

"I d-don't think I'm allowed to do-"

Asuka mumbles inaudibly through a mouthful of squid and Kit-Kats, gesticulating with green smudged hands. Her hand signs "_Wait" _and then she swallows. "Kaji's back from America."

"Oh, really?" Shinji murmurs. "That's nice."

"When did he get back?" Kaworu asks, obviously more concerned about the matter than Shinji.

"He came back on Wednesday, but he's been busy unpacking and doing whatever _he _does- so I decided to throw him a party _tonight. _It's going to be **huge**. This morning, after the Kit-Kats, Misato said she was gonna buy us some commemorative _alcohol."_

"A-A-Alco_what_?" Shinji yelps.

"Y'know," Asuka says through a smile. She moves her face closer to them, right hand covering her mouth from any possible eavesdroppers. _"Beer."_

"Asuka! You c-can't! That's really stupid. I-I don't think you should do this," Shinji whispers furiously.

Asuka devours half a Kit-Kat in one big bite, followed by a grilled tentacle. She scowls at Shinji with green stained lips and looks like she's about to say something rude but then her eyes widen. She smiles, as sweet as a lollipop in a can of soda. Her nose is almost touching Shinji's. Kaworu leans in. The three of them sit with their faces together. Asuka shows her white teeth. The expression is almost devious. "But, Shinji," she whines in a faux-sad baby voice, "I wanted to ask you a big favor."

"What- What is it?" Shinji stammers.

"I really, really want to make Kaji happy. He's been gone for a while and now that he's back, I think it'd be super nice of us to just give him the celebration of a lifetime. Y'know."

"Yeah…?" Shinji responds, unaware of where she's going. "W-what's your point?"

"My point is getting here, Shinji, honey," she says in a syrupy, girly tone, "I know from Misato that Gendo's got a shogi game tonight with Kozo-san at six… do you know that? He _is_ your daddy you know."

"I think I heard s-something about it at breakfast."

"I understand how much Commander Ikari _loves_ his games. And you, you little cutie, are going to be alone tonight, am I correct?"

"Ye…es?"

"So I think we should throw Kaji's party at your house!"

Shinji winces; pulling his face away from Asuka's. "WHAT? WH-"

"Shinji, hey- hey! Listen! Your house is the best option here. I've reviewed everything."

"Oh? Oh really, Asuka? My house is the only house available for your party?" Shinji asks in a sarcastic tone. "I don't believe you."

"I'm being real serious here. Kaworu's house can't fit us all! Toji's parents are working on a garage and Kensuke's house is creepy so I'm saving that for next Halloween. Then you've got me living with Misato and _her_ messy ass. Our house is unpresentable and we don't want **Kaji** to see that. Rei lives in the freaking _projects_. You've got the biggest house here, Mr. Affluent Shinji."

"B-b-but you said there was going to be _beer!"_

"Yuh-ah, you dorkus. It _is_ Kaji's party. Is the whole beer thing a problem? Or are you just being your usual baby self?"

Shinji shakes his head and huffs. Kaworu puts an arm around his shoulders. "Nagisa," the smaller boy sighs, "what should I do?"

"You two want my opinion on this?" he asks, pointing at himself with his free hand.

They both violently nod.

"I really think you should host the party, Shinji."

"A big fat point for Kaworu-kun!" Asuka screeches, raising a fist in the air.

Shinji pulls his head away from Kaworu's neck to stare at him. Disbelief fills his eyes. "Wh-what?! Kaworu!"

"But you haven't heard my **plan**."

The other two go silent and look at Kaworu.

"Shinji- before the party starts, your main job is to alert Asuka with a phone call when Gendo's gone. You've gotta really watch him. He can't come back in the house because he forgot keys or something. So what you do is leave everything he usually needs out in the open."

"Like on the kitchen counter?"

"Yes- great. Now since Fuyutsuki lives on the east end of town, and you guys live in the middle… that means he turns right when he pulls out the garage or driveway, correct?"

"I-I think he g…" Shinji pauses to evaluate. "Yes! He does. Naturally."

"Perfect. Now Asuka. Since Gendo heads right, you and Misato are going to have to park left of Shinji's house, a few houses down so you won't be detected."

"Wouldn't it be better to park in a different block in his neighborhood?" Asuka asks.

"Good point- however it would be great to be able to tell if Gendo is surely on his way. Because if he does come back you're going to have to call Shinji and tell him."

"I didn't even think of that," Asuka grumbles, smacking the lunch table. "I'll hold Misato's cell phone during this."

"Great," Kaworu says, "now Shinji is mainly in charge of _Gendo-watching _before the party. Asuka- you're in charge of drinks and alerting Shinji. When you two know for sure Gendo is gone and isn't coming back, Asuka, you and Misato are going to come in and help Shinji decorate. That shouldn't take too long. Just make the place party worthy."

"I've got a stereo system," Shinji offers, "well it's my dad's but it's in our living room."

"Rei's bringing CDs," Asuka said, "I've asked her already. Toji and Kensuke are bringing food since Toji's pantry is loaded and Kensuke has the hugest snack bowls ever. They all should take 30 minutes to arrive so the party will be starting at six forty when Kaji will enter."

"How about this- I'm going to DJ," Kaworu says. "And hopefully form a cleaning patrol. But I really don't think it's gonna be a super packed party."

Asuka smiles. "Well! I gotta tell Misato when she picks me up. I'd better tell the others! They're outside inv- uh, getting sunlight!" she says cheerily. In a louder voice she says, "Thanks for helping with the party planning, Shinji! Tonight, your place! I'll be there!" People turn around and whisper. "Don't forget! Six forty!"

Asuka dumps her trash in a nearby bin. The two boys watch as she walks off holding the still stuffed bag of Kit-Kats; her skirt swaying as she skips out to the courtyard to join the others.

"I'd better set out extra snacks, huh?" Shinji groans.

"Yeah- there's no way you're getting out of this one."

* * *

After school, Gendo picks up Shinji and asks him how his day was.

"It was fine," the boy said, "I had a good Friday. You?" Shinji looks out the window; his school getting smaller as the car moves down the road.

"Well, I stayed home. Oh and- tonight I have a shogi game with Fuyutsuki. I'm leaving at six. Do you need anything before that?"

"Yeah, I kn- really? That's n-nice. And no, I'm good. Why didn't you go to work?"

"None of your concern, Shinji."

"I-I…well, okay," Shinji sighs, dropping whatever argument he had ready to use against his father. The car suddenly feels warm and Shinji knows that it's his mind playing tricks on him. _It's the same temperature as always… is it because I'm nervous about tonight? _He feels perspiration collecting on his forehead.

When the two Ikaris pull up into their driveway, Shinji looks up and down the street. Nothing. He goes inside the house, takes off his shoes then goes to his room, anxiety building in his stomach. He's never even _been_ to a high school party before. _I can't believe there's going to be people. In my house. _His hand shivers as he unbuttons his uniform top to be in his blue undershirt. _It's stuffy in __**here**__ too. I better turn up the AC before Asuka gets here. _He places the shirt in a hamper and sits on his bed, clenching and unclenching his hands. The clock on his wall ticks. 5:15.

The tiny phone in his room rings. He answers it with lightning fast reflexes. "H-hello?! Who is this?!" he asks in a loud voice. "A-A-Asuka?"

"Yes, _dweebus_. It's me. I'm still with Misato getting ready. Any news on Commander Ika-ari?" Faint struggling is heard. "We're about to get into the car."

"He hasn't left yet. Asuka, it's barely five sixteen. Give me some time to do this."

"Okay, okay I- ow! _Misato!"_ she shouts. Shinji pulls the receiver away from his ear. "_Don't get my hair caught!_ Ow- Shinji?"

He presses the phone against his head reluctantly. "Y-yes!"

"We'll be on your street in tw- no, ten. Call me in a bit- save my number off the caller ID, okay? _Misato, don't try to f_-" Dial tone.

_Just put on a front. Don't let him know that you're nervous; don't raise his suspicions. You can do this. I can do this. This'll make Asuka happy and impress Misato and Kaji and Kaworu. Just… be cool._

He sets his phone back on its base. After writing Asuka's number down on an old progress report and shoving the paper in his pocket, he runs out of his room. Running on his socks, he slips into the kitchen, where his father is nonchalantly looking at the day's newspaper and drinking a UCC coffee. His keys are sitting by his phone. A sigh of relief leaves Shinji's lips.

"Dad! That's mine! A-and what're y-you doing?"

"I just got this out of the fridge. And what do you mean what am I doing? This is my house I have the r-"

"Well, it's just that you're lea- you're drinking coffee so late! Why?" Shinji tries to put on his most casual tone of voice, but finds his throat squeaking more than usual. He taps his fingers uneasily on the counter of the kitchen island.

"Were you listening earlier? I've got a game to_night_. With Fuyutsuki, who just so happens to be NERV's master shogi player. I'm going to try to beat him this time."

Shinji glances at the tiny clock on the stove. _5:34. _"Mmhmm. S-so, is shogi a big thing at work?"

"Only with us two and sometimes Kaji. Why? You want to learn how to play?"

"Th-that'd be nice," Shinji lied. If he hated anything it was playing boring games with boring old people. _C'mon, c'mon Dad. _They stand together in silence for a while, as Shinji tries to send his father telepathic messages.

Gendo takes a drink of coffee then looks down at his phone. "Oh, Shinji. It's already five thirty six. I better start going 'cause I need to put gas in the car. Did you want a pizza or some-"

"Nope, nope, nope! I'm good! I'm so good right now!" Shinji squeaked. He pushes the car keys closer to his father's hand. "I don't want to bother you! You should get to your game already! I really think you can defeat Fuyutsuki!"

He's not sure, but he thinks he can see a tiny smile on his dad's face. "Okay, then. Thanks Shinji, I'll probably be back later on tonight. You can expect me at twelve."

"Yes- mmhmm! Sure thing, Dad!" Shinji says as he practically shoves his father out the door. "G-good luck! You can do it!"

And with a final reassuring slap on the back from his son, Gendo is out the door. Shinji watches from the peephole. He opens the door as his father is on the street. Shinji waves, with an anxious smile. He walks down to the sidewalk, pretending to check the mail. _Keep it cool, keep it cool. _His father speeds off. Shinji turns to the left and a little ways down the street he sees a familiar blue car, parked by an empty concrete lot. He clenches his fists and vigorously punches the air, silently saying _"Yes!" _He runs back into his house, the door barely closing behind him. His sweaty palm grabs the phone mounted on the kitchen wall.

He retrieves a crinkly paper from his uniform pants pocket and dials the number scribbled on it. The phone answers.

"Hello, Shinji!" Misato's voice says.

"M-Misato…?"

He hears Asuka growling in the background and some scraping and fumbling. "Hey! Shinji! This is Asuka!"

"I know…"

"Was that your dad? Did he just leave?"

"Yeah, he just left to fill up the tank and then head to Fuyutsuki's. Are you two ready?"

"You betcha!" Asuka screams. "_Operation Kaji's Party_ is in motion!" She hangs up.

As soon as he puts the phone back on the wall, he hears a loud screech of tires in front of his house. Car doors are slammed. High pitched laughing and feminine voices sound outside the door. _Ri-iing. _He takes his time walking to the door, trying not to seem eager. His hand touches the doorknob, the cool sensation of metal against his skin feels like electricity. He sucks air in through his teeth and opens the door.

"_He-ey, Shinji!" _the two girls say.

"He…llo."

Asuka shoves him out of the way, holding two boxes of beer. She sets them down on the floor and looks around the house. "Geez, Shinji. Why is it so stuffy in here? The party hasn't even started yet." She tugs at her dress collar. Misato places an ice box down and starts to place cans in it.

"S-sorry, I'll fix that," he apologizes as he goes to work on the thermostat in the hallway.

"I told you that your house was the only place to host. Look at this! The TV's huge! And this sound system is quite the specimen! You got one of those couches with a _corner. _Let me test this out." Asuka's skinny fingers press some buttons. A CD ejects from the stereo. She bursts out laughing.

"What is it?" Misato asks, smiling.

"Oh God this is classic," she snickers. "Shinji?!"

He returns from the hall, smoothing the wrinkles in his undershirt. "Y-yes, Asuka?"

"I know I left Rei in charge of music, but I couldn't help but notice the CD in your stereo." She holds the grey disc in front of his face.

"Is that Alanis Morissette?" Misato snickers, covering her mouth. "What is it?"

"Who? N-n-"

"It's a mixtape! It says _October 2001 _on it. Is this yours, Shinji?" Asuka asks, turning the CD around in her hands. "What's this date even mean?"

"All my CD's are in my room! It's my d-dad's."

"Wait- Shinji?" Misato gasps. "Weren't you born in 2001?"

"Y-yeah? I was. S-so was Asuka!"

"But it says Oct-" Misato bursts out laughing. The two teenagers look at her.

"What is it?" Asuka asks, eager to be in on it. Though she doesn't understand, she starts giggling herself. "What's so funny?"

"Asuka- what you're holding in your hands has got to be the music Shinji was- _mmmph-_ conceived to." She pushes the coffee table from the middle of the room to the left wall.

Shinji screams. "A-Asuka, give me th-that!" He reaches for her rosy hands.

Asuka pulls the CD away from Shinji and places an open palm on Shinji's forehead. "Now wait, I think I've got to listen to this."

"You can't! I think it's something I've got to listen to on my own!"

Asuka scowls. She lets go of Shinji's head. "_Ewww._ That's kind of gross. Here. It's not my job to deal with CDs anyway. Ugh. Speaking of such, where's Rei?" Shinji takes the CD in his slippery hands and carefully transfers it to his room, where it is placed under some T-shirts in a drawer.

"Give the girl some time; she lives in the bad part of town. I should've picked her up," Misato says, smacking her hands together. "I feel sorta guilty."

"Who cares? She takes the bus. She's not a puppy on an infomercial," Asuka scoffs.

The doorbell rings. Shinji sprints from the hallway to open it. Three huge red bowls are shoved into his arms.

"Hey! Ikari! We're here!" Kensuke says.

"I brought Cheetos," Toji says. "And the wavy kind of potato chips because the regular kind don't scream party to me."

Shinji glances at his white couches. "Th-that's okay. It's good. I'll put these down. Can you lock the door, Toji?"

"No problem and _wooow._ What a place. Asuka, you're a genius," Toji marvels as he follows Shinji's command. He throws two giant unopened bags of chips at Shinji, who yelps.

"_Ja, _I know. It was my idea," Asuka gloats. "Kaji's going to be so impressed."

Shinji walks to his kitchen and starts opening Toji's gifts; pouring them into the absurdly huge bowls. _I'd better put out some napkins. _He places the now filled bowls in the living room, on the coffee table and goes back to the refrigerator, listening to the conversation going on amongst his guests. He starts collecting various bottled and canned drinks.

"So anyone yet?" Kensuke asks. "I've gotten some confirmations from some kids from my history class."

"I know some high school kids that go to _another_ school," Toji brags, "who know college kids and they're all gonna be…" His voice lowers.

"I've told every single one of my classmates and gotten yeses from two _boys _of the tennis team. And what about you, Misato?" Asuka asks.

"Nah, just Kaji."

"Well, technically, _I_ got Kaji."

After setting down every single drink he could find in his fridge, Shinji helps the others spruce the place up a bit more. The lights are dimmed, pillows straightened and a dance floor is created.

"This is so cool."

"Shinji, you never told me you had such a big house. And like this it looks even roomier!"

"He never tells anyone," Misato says.

"We need a make out closet or something…"

"Ew! Aida, you pervert!" Asuka gasps. "But you've got a point. This is a boy _and_ girl party." She scopes out the room.

"G-guys, don't forget that I live here," Shinji mumbles.

The door rings. A small commotion arises. Shinji answers the door. Rei is standing there, with a small thin box and a shopping bag in her right hand. She nods her head.

"Who is it?" everyone whispers.

"Hello, Ikari."

"H-hi, Rei! I'm glad you're here."

"I brought someone else."

"Shinji," a tranquil voice says. Shinji peeks his head out, eyes moving past Rei.

_Kaworu?_


	4. I'm Not Very Blunt

**CHAPTER FOUR**

When Gendo arrives at Fuyutsuki's apartment building, he frowns at the fancy lobby and at the fancy receptionist. He continues to frown as he goes up the shiny elevator with slate tiles and silver buttons. He sighs as he reaches the top floor. The corridors are vast and the walls are covered in modern paintings. His jaw is twitching as soon as he spots Fuyutsuki's room. His quaking finger presses the shimmering opal doorbell. He tries to avoid looking at the fashionable Art Deco details. The vice commander answers the door with a slight bow. Gendo's frustration reaches an all-time high when he notices that Fuyutsuki's apartment is better and classier than _his_ entire house. On the north side, instead of a wall, there is a giant window. _Damn. It overlooks the park._

"Nice place. It's really… delightful," Gendo says in a low voice. Instead of returning Fuyutsuki's bow, he gives the other man a halfhearted nod.

"Isn't it? Sit down, Ikari. Want anything to drink?"

"N-no… thanks. What kind of… couch is this? It's sort of futuristic looking."

"It's Italian."

"But who?"

"Who? As in who made it? It was a gift. Who cares?" Fuyutsuki laughs as he opens a door in his hallway. _A walk in closet. In his freaking hall._

Gendo winces as he sits down on the couch and much to his dismay, he sinks in. He feels his eyes trying to roll back into his head. He takes an ecstatic deep breath. His left arm shivers on a nearby armrest. The house plants are exotic, tall and **taken care of.** The bright rug in the middle of the dark hardwood floor is Persian looking. A silver chandelier hangs from the ceiling. Gendo curses silently. _They're all a bunch of gifts!_

"Do you want to explain yourself?" Fuyutsuki asks as he places the elegant shogi board on the couch. He empties a purple velvet bag and a bunch of pieces fall on the couch. A king lands on Gendo's lap. He sets it on the board and it makes the most beautiful _clack_ he's ever heard.

"A-are these pieces made out of marble?" Gendo wheezes. "What kind of wood is this?"

"Why do you care so much? It's just a board. So," Fuyutsuki sighs as he sets the game up, "what happened? I'd appreciate it if you told me why you left me in command for five whole days." _Clack._ "Enlighten me, Ikari."

_Crap._

* * *

Rei and Kaworu walk in, giving everyone a polite bow.

"Wha-at? You two came here together?" Toji asks, gasping dramatically.

"I met Rei on the bus over here. My mother looked a little busy so I didn't want to ask her to drop me off. Anyway- we're here now!" Kaworu says with a tiny smile. He looks around the room. "Wow. You guys really worked on this place, huh? It looks great."

"Mmhmm!" Asuka huffs, her hands on her hips. "I think we're done with the whole decor aspect of it. Rei?"

"Yes?" Rei murmurs.

"Have you got the CD?"

"I do. Here," she mumbles as she hands over the small thin case in her right hand. Asuka takes it from her.

"Oooh! Rei! This is amazing, you brought a whole collection!"

"Ikari-san?" Rei says.

"Y-yes? Rei?"

"Do you have a bathroom? Can I use it?"

"Sure… down the hall; on the right side."

"Thanks," she mutters as she disappears.

Everyone left in the room gathers around Asuka, and together they begin examining Rei's CDs. Asuka turns the thin sleeves like pages of a book.

"Wow," Misato gasps, "I never expected her to like this _kind_ of music."

"I know," Toji says, "this is sort of… weird."

"A quiet girl like that is full of twists and turns, huh?" Kaworu comments, reaching for Shinji's fragile hand. Shinji accepts.

"It's freaky," Asuka replies. "I don't know why- but I thought she'd like ambient noises or church choirs. Look at all of this! It's American. I can't _even read_ these words. It's all slang."

"That's hip-hop, isn't it?" Kensuke asks. "How interesting!"

"Guys," Shinji breathes, "she brought this music in confidence that it would improve the party. I think we should appreciate it."

"Oh, I appreciate it," Asuka snarls. "Kaworu- you wanna put these in the system over there?" Her scrawny fingers hold on to the case of CDs, offering them to the pale boy.

"Sure," he responds as he takes them. He walks to the stereo. "Wow, Shinji-kun, this is nice. It's one of those that can hold ten CDs at a time. Good thing she brought six. I'll put the calmer ones in then we'll build up from there. " He inserts the discs into the machine. It beeps. Music starts to play but he immediately presses the pause button. Everyone moans.

"I wanted to hear it!"

"Not until the party starts. I don't want to waste all these good songs."

"I think they'll fit the tone of the… party," a voice says. They all turn around.

"Oh! Ayanami!" Toji hiccups. "Thanks for the music!"

"Yeah! It's cool…"

Asuka turns her head away with a grumble. "Oh, it's really… _different._"

Rei's cheeks pulse. "You're welcome."

The doorbell rings. Asuka screams. "It's already 6:30! It's gotta be Kaji! He's early!" She hops up onto her skinny legs and runs to the door. "Ka-….ji.. Oh."

"Hello! Asuka! I brought some of the chess team! I also got some people from student council!" a girl's voice replies.

"O-Oh! Hikari! It's so good to see you! _Mein Gott! _You've brought a lot of people! Is that Umeda? Hello! Ah! You got Takeuchi! And Fumiko! Rika! And the famous Haruo! Hey guys! Come in!"

A large group of kids walk in. Hikari gasps and points at Toji. Her head snaps toward Asuka.

"Wh-What's he doing here?" she squeals.

Toji gets up from his place on the floor. "I didn't sign up for this!"

Asuka rolls her eyes. "What did you guys expect? We all go to the same school!"

Hikari's caravan of people all take places on the couch and floor. Most of them seem to know Kensuke and Toji. The room gets a little louder due to the addition of six people. Shinji nervously puts his sweaty palms together as he counts heads.

"Nice place, Ikari! It's nice of you to host!" Hikari suddenly says with a smile. _At least she has manners._

"Horaki-san! You're w-welcome. It's a pleas…" his voice fades as Hikari turns her attention to Toji, smacking his hand which happened to be on her shoe. _Or not._

The group of people all talk together as Shinji and Asuka stay quiet. Asuka keeps staring at the wall clock, her eyes squinting. Shinji looks at the floor, wringing his hands.

A sharp knock comes from the door. Asuka grits her teeth and emits a tiny shriek. "It has got to be Kaji!" She opens the door with a smile. "He-"

"We're here for Suzuhara."

Asuka's smile wavers; she turns and gives Toji a scowl. "Toji-san," she says in a strained sing song voice, "the kids you invited are here."

Toji goes to the door. "Oh! Hey! These are the guys from the other high school I was telling you all about! This is Isao and Seiji and Takeo! Come in." Three rough looking kids enter, slamming the door behind them. They all sit down on the couch.

"Do- do I know these guys?" Shinji hisses, grabbing Asuka by the shoulder.

"Pervert! Don't touch a girl wearing a sleeveless dress _there_!" she whines. "And no- _I_ don't even know these people. But we've got to get the party as wild as possible! For _Ka-aji._"

Shinji rolls his eyes. "I don't want… y'know… violent people to be in my house. Or people who'll start fights or break things."

"Shut it, Ikari, you're just scared of getting beat up. That won't happen! You've got Nagisa."

Shinji's throat squeaks and he can feel his face turning red. "Wh-what do you mean?" His fists clench and unclench.

"Well, I think he'd be the first one to def-" _Rii-i-i-ing!_

Everyone turns to look at the front door.

"Ahhh!" Asuka screams. "It's Kaji! It's totally him this time!" Her quick hand turns the doorknob.

"Good evening, Ms. Soryu. You're looking marvelous."

"_Ka-a-ajiiii!"_

* * *

Fuyutsuki moves the gold piece forward. "Hey," he says, "you can't just run away from your problems. It's not something _you_ can do."

"Well I've successfully done it this week. I guess I can." He slides his promoted silver piece frontward diagonally.

"Shit," Fuyutsuki sighs as Gendo claims his spot. "Well, you've left me in command for a long time; this week has been especially arduous in terms of files and all the boring stuff. Don't you have any remorse?"

Gendo cracks his knuckles. "Maybe a little. You know I'm going back on Monday."

"But why were you gone for five whole days, Ikari?"

"Well, I got sort of wasted on Friday night and I just had that gross feeling for a while." His king slides away from Fuyutsuki's knight.

"Do you mean Friday morning? When we drank Kaji's only important gift to NERV?"

"No. I drank again on Friday night."

"Woah- that's dangerous, old man. What did you do?" Fuyutsuki asks.

"I went out."

"Where?" _Clack._

"Somewhere."

"Tell me where."

"N-no."

"Who'd you go with?"

Gendo gives a dramatic sigh. "It was sort of a date."

"Gotcha," Fuyutsuki laughs. _Click; swipe. _"Did you end up going out with the fair and charming Hyuga?" He looks up from the shogi board into Gendo's eyes which are hidden behind his glasses. Without missing a beat, the silver haired man claims Gendo's king.

"I…did."

Fuyutsuki flips the shogi board over. "Ha! Loser! Now- tell me about it."

Gendo lowers his head, exhaling sadly. "Well we went out for drinks and got pretty drunk."

"Mmhmm?" Fuyutsuki hums in question as he puts away the iridescent square pieces. "And…?"

"It went downhill from there."

"How so?"

Gendo glances around the spacious room. "He took me to his place."

"Aah. Isn't that a great accomplishment?"

"Turns out, Hyuga's one of those…"

"One of those what? I can't read your mind."

Gendo's hands tie an invisible knot. Fuyutsuki watches in confusion. "He's like that," Gendo whispers.

"He's impotent?"

"Wh-what? No! No! Well- maybe, but that's not what I meant at all. He… was wearing a …"

"I can't hear you, Ikari. Speak up."

"He was wearing a collar. Like a dog collar."

Fuyutsuki nods, looking down with a solemn expression. He does this for a few moments before bursting out laughing. "Oh _my God!"_

"It's not funny!" Gendo yells. He lowers his voice then says, "He asked if he could call me 'daddy'. While he was wearing a _collar._ What the hell do I do in that situation?"

"Well what _did_ you do? Did you go through w-," Fuyutsuki's sentence is interrupted by his laughing. "That's some Twilight Zone shit, Ikari. _Cla-ssic._"

"O-of course not! I- I'm not like that! Stop laughing!" Gendo says with a slight smile. "It was so creepy."

Fuyutsuki wipes his eyes and tugs at his shirt. He catches his breath. "Are you gonna fire him?"

Gendo snorts. "No. I'm not that much of an ass, but I feel weird now. Like it was going so good then he busts that shit out."

"I guess that's just how Hyuga goes."

* * *

At the Ikari residence, partygoers have reached maximum capacity. Turns out, Toji's high school friends "who go to another high school" invited college kids who in turn invited_ more _college kids. Asuka's scene in the cafeteria was witnessed by everyone so majority of them showed up, much to Shinji's horror. He wandered around his own crowded house, looking for familiar faces. He bumped into sweaty dancers and into teens holding beer cans and cigarettes.

"N-n… d-don't sm.." he mumbles, grabbing at the flailing hands of strangers.

"Hey!" an unfamiliar girl squeals. "Get your own!"

"S-sorry!" he apologizes, bowing nervously. His eyes glide over to the stereo, where he sees Kaworu. Shinji waves an arm at the other boy. "Hey! Nagisa! Kaworu! H-"

Kaworu looks at him and walks over. The crowd parts for him. Taking his arm and pulling him onto a nearby couch, Kaworu saves Shinji from the waves of people. They plop by a couple whose faces are practically fused together. The two boys smile at each other.

"Isn't this fantastic?" Kaworu asks.

"I g-guess but… It's just that I don't know half- no… I don't know any of these people!"

"That's the fun of the party, Shinji-kun. You have to meet them. I think they'd appreciate knowing the host."

"Oh!" Shinji groans. "They don't even know who I am? How am I gonna get any street cred from this?" His hangs his head in frustration. "Damn it, Asuka."

"Have a drink," Kaworu says as he reaches under the couch and pulls up a can. "This is mine but you can have some." He presses it against Shinji's lips.

"Ka-Kaworu, I-I-I don't thi-" Shinji stutters as the bitter amber fluid runs down his throat. _This isn't tasty at all…! _He finishes the whole can; Kaworu claps.

"It's all good, Shinji. Don't be so nervous. We're gonna fix this up before your dad even comes home."

"R-Really?" Shinji asks, burping.

"Yeah. I've gotta DJ again. Go get Asuka, she should be in your room."

"A-all right…." Shinji gets up from the couch and shoves through the crowd, without apologizing this time. He runs down the dark corridor; bass heavy music pumping through the walls. His hand twists the doorknob to his bedroom and he pushes the door open with an extended palm. His eyes adjust to the darkness and he gasps at the sight. Hikari and Toji are in his bed. Although they're fully clothed the sight is strange and slightly perverse to Shinji.

"Toji?! H-Hikari?!" he yelps.

Hikari jumps away from Toji and crosses her legs. "Shinji! W-We were j-just talking!"

Toji scoffs. "Yeah, _right,_ class rep. I was totally goin' to fi-"

"Shut up! N-no! No!" Hikari shouts, shaking her head violently. "I'm a Christian! Impossible!"

Shinji averts his eyes from his two classmates. "I d-don't need this!" he yelps as he runs back out in the hall. He turns toward his father's room but then stops as he hears a faint noise from the hall closet. He presses his ear against the cool surface. _Asuka! _He opens the door and peers into the dark space. His hand slams against the light button. The closet becomes illuminated and Asuka is curled up on a pile of jackets. Tears drip from her blue eyes.

"A-Asuka?" he whispers.

"Oh no… Shinji… go away!"

"Not with you crying in my closet. What's up with you?"

"I-I… I c- oooohhh," she cries. "Kaji and Misato were together in the bathroom!"

"Doing…?"

"Well…. I didn't see much, but I just saw them together! It's t-terrible! It wasn't supposed to be Misato!" She wipes her nose on the inside of her dress.

Shinji grabs her hand and pulls her up. "It couldn't have been you, Asuka. Kaji's an adult."

"I know that, doofus! It's just… why Misato?" she sighs. "I_ live_ with her!"

"Lemme help. I'll take you to my dad's room…" Shinji offers, guiding the sobbing redhead down the hall. When they arrive at Gendo's mysterious chamber, they find the room is occupied by one person. A pale body is thrown on the large bed that occupies the middle of the room. The body moves.

"_Rei?"_ Asuka gasps.

"Ayanami? Wh-"

"Hello," the blue haired girl murmurs from her place on Gendo's bed. She lies on her back; legs and arms outstretched. Her face is tilted slightly, against the puffy cushions, as her red eyes look up at the ceiling.

Shinji sets Asuka down on a nearby seat. "R-Rei? Are you okay? What happened to you? Did someone do something to you? Oh my God, are you all right? Rei?"

"I'm okay…"

"Then w-….why are you on my dad's bed?"

She stays silent before asking, "Is this where he sleeps?" Her hand glides on the bed sheets. "I didn't know that." Her eyes are glassy and unfocused. Her cheeks flush against the dark red pillows. "It smells like him…"

"Are you sick? Do you need coffee?" Shinji asks as he looks down at the resting girl. "I can get you a bucket!"

"No…I'm all right… I just need to _be_ here…"

"Rei, you weirdo!" Asuka says through a scowl. "Why are you _writhing_ on Commander Ikari's bed? You've got to be wasted or something. Cree-eepy. Get up."

"I just want… to be close… I want to…f-"

"I don't think we should stay here too long, Rei. It's just… this room is actually sort of um… o-off limits to me so…" Shinji tugs at her hand. Her small white fingers wrap around his.

"Okay," she sighs. "I'll go out into the living room."

Asuka laughs. "Rei! Don't sound so sad. You can't just be on somebody's dad's bed. It's, like, one of the rules of partying." Asuka walks over and lift's Rei's torso off the bed. "Come listen to the awesome CDs you brought!"

Rei's expressionless face stares at Asuka for a moment before she gives the other girl a tiny smile.

* * *

Gendo takes a deep breath. Fuyutsuki sips on a small icy glass of whiskey as he stares at the younger man. Gendo stares at the paneled walls with tired eyes.

"Am I not… with it?" Gendo asks finally.

"Whatcha mean? With what?"

"I mean this," Gendo shifts on the couch, his entire body facing Fuyutsuki. "Am I too old to be going back?"

"Just because Hyuga's some kinky bastard? I don't think so. I think Hyuga was a decision that was too young."

"Not just Hyuga, though, it's like nowadays they're all… into something."

"It was like that back then, too."

Gendo self-consciously grabs his legs. He feels himself pulling them closer to his body, as if he's retreating back into his shell. "But Yui wasn't like that. I know she was ten years younger than me but she… she was normal. And I know I'm normal too."

"So, you're saying you're a simpleton. Right?" The ice in Fuyutsuki's now empty glass clink together. "If you miss Yui so much why don't you try a girl? Dammit, Hyuga doesn't look like her."

"Well… there was an attempt."

"What? Really?" Fuyutsuki asks, curiously looking into Gendo's unfocused eyes. He snaps his fingers and Gendo looks at him. "You told me that you d- Wait, Ikari? Who was the attempt?"

"Ritsuko and I had a li-"

"Oh, gross! What'd you do? Pull a paper bag over her mug?" Fuyutsuki snickers, setting his glass down on a small side table behind him. He moves closer to Gendo.

"That's close enough…"

"So you were thinkin' of Yui? God- have you hit all of NERV? You could start a list with that!"

Gendo winces. "N-no and I said attempt not a… c-complete th-thing."

"I understand you wanna be the 'man' but why do you get with people younger than you all the time? I mean women and men- since I don't know what the _fuck_ you're into- your age exist."

"This is the time in one's life where you find yourself getting so annoyed. At _everything_. I don't want someone to be annoyed with me."

"_Some _people," Fuyutsuki sighs, "aren't annoyed by you, Ikari. You're interesting."

"Yeah well, I can't _find_ that person."

"Well, have you even looked for them? It could be anyone. Someone you least expect. Maybe you didn't, like… consider them?"

"I don't know. I'm trying to think of who it-"

Fuyutsuki exhales in exasperation. "Jesus- you don't get it, do you? You really don't understand?"

"Wh-what are you talking about?" Gendo's chest is burning and his head starts to hurt. His fingers dig into the couch.

"I guess what I'm trying to say, Ikari, is I..."

He can't hear Fuyutsuki's voice. His eyes look everywhere on Fuyutsuki's face before reading his lips.

_I think I-_

* * *

Shinji giggles in Kaworu's lap as Asuka tugs on his legs. He feels like kissing everyone. Now, he wasn't drunk but being a teenage boy with a few ounces of beer in his stomach, he felt like he was.

"N-no, Asuka stop!"

"You're so skinny," she laughs, "you're like a girl!"

He bats her hands away and buries his face in Kaworu's stomach. The paler boy caresses Shinji's brown hair, getting his delicate fingers tangled in it. Kensuke comes up from under the couch. He sits down by Kaworu.

"Hey, it looks like some people are exitin' the building!" he shouts.

"Aida you're so loud!" Shinji shouts back.

"Kensuke's right! They're leaving already," Asuka gasps, her eyes lazily watching people exit the house. She raises her voice. "Whe-Where are you all going? Hey!" She waves a limp arm in the air.

Misato, with her hair messy and makeup smudged, pops out of nowhere. She greets Asuka with a hiccup. "The college kids are going to another party. I think a- _burp-_ frat p-party."

A hand reaches to give her a hard and audible smack on the rear end. "You're right about that!"

"_K-Kaa-aji!"_ Misato whines. "That hurt!" Kaji pulls the dark haired woman close to his body.

Asuka frowns. "Nobody wants to see that!" she hisses.

Kaji laughs. "But it's a party, Asuka. You told me, maybe, fifty times today."

The redhead turns her head away from Kaji and stares at Shinji, who is grabbing Kaworu's shirt and mumbling. "There's just so much PDA here," Asuka says with a dramatic gag. "Shinji- stop drooling on Kaworu!"

"You're so loud," Shinji snorts. The comment gets him a sharp whack on the arm from Asuka.

Suddenly, a small commotion breaks out among the people on the dance floor. The guests all gather at the front door and gasp. Then, with laughs and shrieks of excitement, they run out of Shinji's house.

"He-ey!" Asuka screams. "Just where do you all-"

A girl in a fancy high school uniform turns from the crowd to look at Asuka. She cups her hands around her mouth and yells, "The party's busted! We're going with the college kids!"

"B-Busted?!" Shinji shrieks.

"What do you mean busted?!" Asuka screeches, her hands gripping tightly on the bottom of her dress.

Misato and Kaji watch the adolescents scream and panic; laughing in each other's ears as they hug. Rei peeks into the living room from her spot in the kitchen. Her mouth is covered in orange dust. Her smudged fingers run down her black skirt, leaving behind bright cheesy streaks. Shinji slowly lifts himself off of Kaworu's lap and joins the crowd at the front of his house. His arms push and shove strangers out of the way. Trembling fingers grope at legs and clumsily slide off backs. Misato follows him, her ripped tights causing her feet to glide on the hardwood floor. Her half empty can of beer sloshes onto messy hair and sweat soaked shirts.

"Ex-Excuse me! Excu- oh! Sorry! W-" Shinji stops at the open door and his shoulders drop.

Misato belches as she violently pushes everyone out of the house. "Hey! Who is it? Is it Ritsuko? It better not be," she groans as she looks at the tall figure on the porch.

"Shinji?" a deep not-so-unfamiliar voice asks.

"D-D-Dad?" Shinji gasps.

His father slowly walks into the house, each step cautious, as he hesitantly observes the damage. The two Ikaris stare at each other with wide eyes. Gendo feels his car keys dig into his gradually forming fist. Shinji starts hyperventilating- his mouth is open; lips twitching. He feels tears slipping off his eyelashes. Gendo's eyes jump from Shinji to Kaworu and Asuka then to a blushing Rei in the kitchen. Rei slowly hides behind the kitchen island. Misato burps loudly, breaking the silence.

"Commander Ikari! Want something to drink?" she shouts in a cheery voice.

Gendo stares at the can in her hand and at the various cans scattered across the floor. He looks like he's about to say something but instead clutches his waist and weakly stumbles out the front door.

"Dad!" Shinji cries.

"Gross," Misato laughs. She turns to the five horrified people standing in the house and giggles. "Commander Ikari totally just threw up!"


	5. Owning Up

**CHAPTER FIVE**

Shinji gathers crushed empty cans off the carpet. He stuffs them into a wrinkled shopping bag and repeats the process over and over, staring blankly into space.

_Grab. Throw. Grab. Throw._

His house which was once full of people was now empty and dark. Instead of loud music there was silence. It was probably twelve in the morning; he couldn't tell. He'd been picking up for a while now. He didn't bother looking away from the mess before him, the mess _he_ caused, because he didn't want to get in even _more _trouble. Shinji's arms were weak from scrubbing the sofas and wiping down every nonporous surface in sight. His stomach contracts as the burn of anxious vomit radiates throughout his body. _Please don't puke. I already cleaned up enough of it this week!_

Shinji glanced at the hall. Seeing his father was the last thing he wanted to do. He felt like painting the walls or repaneling the roof. He wanted to do everything and anything but see Gendo_._ Shinji's hands quickened; the rug was soon clear of cans and cigarette butts.

He moved to the kitchen where plastic cups littered the kitchen island counter. Shinji tried not to think of what might happen to him when the night was over. He reminded himself to take deep breaths and focus on his current occupation. As his hand reached over to pull cans out of the sink, he kept an ear out for his father. Shinji bent over behind the counter and starting picking trash up off the floor. He wipes a napkin on spills and little piles of gray ash. Footsteps come from the living room.

"Shinji?" his father asks as he peers into the kitchen.

_Oh, no. He's using __**that**__ tone of voice. _"Y-yes, Dad? Are you okay? Do you need some tea? You look pale."

"No, I'm fine. I see you've cleaned up the couches. Good work."

"Th-thanks," Shinji mumbles. He feels his face get hot.

"Get up," Gendo commands, peering over the kitchen island. "You should've used a broom for that."

The small boy stands up. "I don't mind picking things up like this," Shinji replies. He throws a napkin and beer can away in the trash bin. Turning on the sink, he nervously glances at his dad and holds his breath. "I'm sorry about… tonight." Shinji starts washing his hands and he notices that his fingers are trembling. He turns the sink off. _Deep breaths, deep breaths. Just be honest._

Gendo rolls his eyes. "Well that's not gonna cut it. You really think an _apology_ is gonna save you now?"

"Well- I don't know what else to do! I didn't mean for this to happen!" Shinji says, his voice raising due to his nervousness. The shouting was unintentional so he quiets down. "I was just gonna invite Asuka and… a few others!"

Gendo crosses his arms and sighs. "How did it even get like this?" he asks.

Shinji gulps. "I-I don't know, I guess word got out…" his sentences gets cut off by a tiny hiccup. He feels his eyes get teary. He wipes the water droplets away with his undershirt. "I'm really sorry, Dad," he squeaks.

"Stop apologizing, okay?" Gendo replies. He looks at the living room and then at the kitchen then at his sniffling son. "You're pretty much done with everything plus I think you're sort of drunk, so I suggest you go to bed."

"R-Really?" Shinji gasps, holding his hands to his chest. "You're not gonna slap me or anything?"

"I really believe your head should be on the ground due to tonight's events _but _I'm tired and a little better than that," Gendo says.

Shinji claps his hands together and bows repeatedly. "Dad I-… I'm really sorry about tonight and this will never happen again," he says. He drops to his knees dramatically and bows deeply on the floor before his father.

"Stand up and go to sleep, you idiot. You're going to get it tomorrow."

"Huh?" Shinji looks at Gendo and stands up. "What do you mean? Get what?"

Gendo makes a _wait _gesture with his hand then yawns. He blinks and looks at his son. "What? Did you think I was gonna let you go?"

"Y- I… I don't know," Shinji stutters. "What are you going to do?" He watches as his father walks back into the hallway. "H-Hey! Dad! What are you going to do? Dad?"

Gendo stops at the door to his bedroom and turns to face Shinji. "Every single thing you hate." He opens the door and starts closing it slowly.

Shinji stops the door with his hands. "No- don't- just tell me what you're going to do!"

"Why should I?" Gendo replies as he calmly removes Shinji's small, shaking hands from his door, before slamming it in his son's desperate face. Shinji collapses on the floor before his father's bedroom, defeated.

"Please don't get rid of the UCC coffees in the fridge!" he yells before dragging himself to his own room.

* * *

In his room, a jacketless Gendo paces around the area, looking at his phone then at the floor. He feels odd; slightly bubbly. He walks around his bed five times before sitting on it and holding a small red pillow. He squishes the cushion with his fingers and sudden anticipation sears throughout his body. The excited smile he'd been trying to hold back finally forms on his lips. The lights in the room are turned off, but a gentle glow comes from the bright bathroom light bulbs. He feels especially youthful as he joyfully laughs to himself.

_Why? Why am I so happy tonight? Is it because…__** he**__ said the words I haven't heard since Yui? _

He falls back on the luxurious collection of pillows and sighs. Shivers run throughout his body as the cold air from the ceiling vent hits him. But for some strange reason the upper half of his body feels warm. He turns over onto his side.

_When was the last time I told someone that? Why am I giggling like a… like a kid?_

"This is so ridiculous," he mumbles into a silky pillow cover. Before getting under the comfortable maroon bed sheets, he undresses and then drops his shirt and pants on the floor. He pulls the blanket up to his shoulders and stares at the ceiling. A distant but special memory comes to his mind. He remembers the wonderfully apathetic days before Shinji, and he remembers that first time Yui told him the words he wanted to tell her first.

_It was at a festival and the streets and stalls were illuminated by crimson paper lamps. After Yui failed (multiple times) at catching a tiny goldfish from a tub of water, she ran out of coins to continue the operation. _

"_Do you really want one?" _

"_Yes," she laughed, covering her teeth. She was so self-conscious of her overbite. "I know it's stupid but they've got the cutest little faces."_

"_Well," Gendo scoffed as he rolled up his sleeves, "you've got to let the professional do it."_

"_Professional?" Yui snickered. "So, you've done this before?"_

"_Maybe." _

_And he caught her the fish. The fish had a small black curved spot above his mouth. Yui was enthusiastic about the mustachioed prize and took the bag it lived in from Gendo's hands._

"_Thanks, Rokubungi!" she mused. "This is so cool- I d-don't know what to say! He's perfect! What a beauty!"_

"_It looks like an angry dad."_

_With that comment, Yui giggled and stared at Gendo. The bright festive lights reflected in her round, mono-lidded eyes. Everything was rosy; everything was gold and sparkling. _

"_I love you."_

Gendo sighs as the simple words repeat in his mind, in Yui's voice, in Fuyutsuki's voice. The emptiness and desolateness of the bed made his mind spin. The only reason he owned such a large bed was because he happened to be an active sleeper and he disliked that reason. Sharing a bed with someone was ancient history. He turns over onto his side and examines the bare cushion next to his own. His right arm reaches over and his fingers tighten on the empty side of the blanket.

_I want him right here._

An unfamiliar warmth runs through his veins, his legs tighten and he feels energetic blood running everywhere inside him. His heart starts beating a little faster. He lets go of the sheets and places his hand on his abdomen. His palm reluctantly spreads open and with this motion his index and middle fingers go past a forbidden band of elastic. He holds his breath as they slide a little lower. The actions almost feel foreign. His hand grips at the base and he exhales.

_Should I?_

He does.

Gendo buries his face into his pillows and all of the encounter at Fuyutsuki's house runs through his mind. The fancy furniture, the look in Fuyutsuki's eyes, the sounds, his voice. The words that he said.

_Those words. _

His breathing quickens and his eyelids shut. A tiny feeling in the pit of his stomach makes his back arch and his limbs dig into the blankets. Gendo wanted to hear Fuyutsuki's voice telling him the things he needed to hear. Gendo sighs deeply. If he could, he would just let Fuyutsuki have him- but he knew that his anxiety and inability to be honest with emotions would ruin his chances of succeeding. His knees press against each other; an electric sensation burns in his stomach. His throat tightens and a hushed moan escapes from his lips.

_Damn._

Gendo lies in bed like this for a while, his body shivering. Weak legs and sore arms go limp as his muscles tic. He awkwardly slides off the bed and walks to the bathroom sleepily. The bright lights make him squint and he takes a moment to let his eyes adjust before looking down at his hand. He sighs and laughs.

_Not impressive._

* * *

Shinji's eyes open and look sleepily at a tiny stuffed penguin next to his pillow. He smiles and sits up in his bed. He looks at the clock on his wall. _11:45. _He looks down at his body. _I fell asleep in my clothes. Gross. _Wiping the sleep from his eyes, he moves his feet on to the floor and then he feels _it_ suddenly. He groans as he rubs his temples.

_Is this a hangover?_

Shinji, rubbing his arms, walks into the hall and gets hit by a very appetizing smell. He walks into the kitchen and looks at the table, where a very radiant Gendo sits reading the newspaper. Gendo looks up from it and raises his coffee cup at his son.

"Good morning."

"Wow, Dad," Shinji sighs sleepily, "you're up kinda early. On a Saturday. Are you still feeling sick? You even made breakfast."

"I'm good." Gendo slurps on his coffee and gestures at the stove top. "There's miso there," he says, "and the rice cooker's full."

Shinji beams. "This is great," he replies in a perky tone, "you really went all out! I love it when you make breakfast." He opens a cabinet and takes out a round yellow bowl with flowers on it and a smaller ceramic mug. Once he gets his favorite pair of Doraemon chopsticks, he serves himself a generous helping of rice. After he pours miso in his cup, he takes his food to the table and sits down by his father. The two Ikaris exchange smiles.

"I was just eating some rice," Gendo says. "I can get you an egg from the fridge."

"Oh, sure," Shinji replies, as he sips on some miso soup. "Thank you."

Gendo gets up and brings back a bottle of soy sauce and a sparkling egg. Shinji takes the two things from his father's hands and shakes with excitement. He pours soy sauce in a small dent in his mound of rice, cracks the egg over it then mixes it all up with his chopsticks, turning the rice a bright golden brown.

"Wait- Dad!" the boy says. "Can you get me some okonomiyaki sauce and mayonnaise?"

His father scowls. "Shinji, that's dis- you know what? Sure thing. Do you want a melon bread? Or a yakipan?"

Shinji nods violently. "Y-You have that? Yes- please. I'd love that."

The two smile at each other for a moment before Shinji watches his father walk to the fridge and bring back all the condiments and additional food items. Gendo neatly sorts them in front of Shinji and the teenager claps his hands. Shinji opens the bottles of okonomiyaki sauce and mayonnaise and squeezes them over his rice. After mixing the sludge in his bowl around for a minute, he takes a bite of it and smiles.

"This is so good!" Shinji says with a stuffed mouth. He rips off a giant chunk from the melon bread and swallows it then follows it with a gulp of miso soup.

"I bet," Gendo replies in an amused voice, watching his son eat.

Shinji finishes off his soup and melon bread then turns his attention to the untouched yakipan sitting between him and his father. Shinji snatches the small bread up and bites into it.

"I never would have thought I'd be eating any of this for breakfast," he mumbles. "It's like paradise." He scoops some rice onto the bread with his chopsticks. Inside, Gendo is disgusted but he shows none of this at the table.

Gendo stands. "I can get you a UCC coffee," he offers.

Shinji nods, burping. "Yea- _hmph- _thanks… I'm thirsty."

The can is taken from the fridge and passed to Shinji. The boy drinks it all without pausing to take a breath. He looks at his father and burps.

"I'm full!" he says.

"Do you need to puke?" Gendo asks a little too quickly.

"No," Shinji says, shaking his head. "I'm just gonna go to my room and lie down. I'm going to call Kaworu."

"About that…" Gendo replies in a low voice.

"What?"

"Well…"

"No-"

"Yes."

"You didn't!" Shinji gasps. "I-I've gotta call him! Geez- I really don't get how some party (that wasn't my fault) revokes my phone privileges! I told you it was an accident!"

Gendo laughs sarcastically. "Are you some sort of spoiled brat or do I have to shove you off a cliff? Did you even see the aftermath of what you did? You cleaned _cigarettes _out of the damn carpet. In **my** house. Your phone's line is disabled. And don't even think about the kitchen phone."

"Until when?" Shinji asks, tightening his fists.

"Possibly next Sunday. But, I'm thinking of going for two weeks."

"No!" Shinji groans. "That's not fair!"

"Have you watched TV today?" Gendo asks.

"No… why? W-What did you do?" Shinji shouts as he runs to the couch and clumsily picks up the remote off a cushion. He turns the TV on. "Really? The nature channel? Really, Dad?"

"Have fun," Gendo snorts, trying not to laugh too hard at his son.

Shinji glares at the snickering Gendo, seething. He changes the channel.

"_The ginkgo tree has a characteristic smell."_

"That's on every channel," Gendo says.

"Dad- how long will this go on?" Shinji asks, turning the TV off.

"As long as it needs to."

Shinji exhales dramatically and whines. "Whatever," he says with an eye roll. "I-I'm gonna take a nap." He walks to the hallway and pauses. He turns to look at his father and asks, "Do you have something for my stomach? It kind of hurts."

Gendo shrugs. "Just sleep it off; it's probably your hangover."

"I-I don't have that!" Shinji responds loudly before slamming the door.

With the lights off and the curtains open, Shinji sits on his bed and stares at his (currently useless) phone. His hands twitch. Calling Kaworu was one of his top priorities. After all the stress of the party and Gendo, Shinji knew that Kaworu's soothing voice would fix everything. He wanted to tell Kaworu how he felt and be straight up. He wanted to apologize for that week of avoiding him.

With a gloomy sigh, he slides out of his blue undershirt then walks to his dresser and opens his T-shirt drawer. He chooses a yellow top with a cat on it. When he pulls the shirt out of the drawer a disc falls on to his foot. He picks it up and examines it.

_Oh, it's the CD Asuka found. _He turns it over in his hands. "October 2001," Shinji whispers to himself, "what the heck happened that needed a CD?" He places it silver side up on his pillow.

He glances nervously around his bedroom and, to his left, spots his CD player. With anxious, quiet steps he walks back to his bed and sits, pulling the CD player off of his bedside table and onto his lap. His stomach feels hot as he puts on his headphones with trembling hands. He looks at the door in fear. _I don't know if I should listen to this… What if he comes in?_ Shinji takes the disc from the comfort of his pillow and inserts it into the thin slot of the CD player. The only noises in the room are his heavy breathing and the spinning of the CD. Music starts to play.

A confused expression forms on Shinji's face as a somewhat familiar song sounds quietly through his headphones. _This isn't really interesting. _He skips to the next song, which sounds like the first. Then to the third song. He giggles. _That's already three No Doubt songs in a row. _With a smile on his face, he skips to the fourth track and lies down on his bed. _Finally something different. _The song has a sort of softer, dreamy tone to it. He listens to the gently strumming guitars and to the foreign woman's voice. Shinji closes his eyes and wonders who put this song on the CD. The song makes him think of his mother but for some reason- he also thinks about Kaworu. He sighs and feels chills run down his spine. _I want someone to hold me. _

He slowly crawls underneath his covers and stares blankly at the stuffed penguin beside him before taking it into his arms. Closing his eyes, he hums along with the song. He doesn't really understand what it means with it being in English, but he appreciates the feelings it gives him. Just when he feels sleepy, the song changes. He opens his eyes and looks down at the CD player tucked between him and the penguin. Track 5 begins to play and he frowns. _It's the same song… but it sounds all fuzzy! _

"Must be a mistake," he mumbles as he places his finger on the skip button. He stops when he hears the vocals.

The voice belongs to a different woman singing in accented English. Shinji can hear the squeak of a guitar pick against strings and the tapping of a foot. The woman has a soft voice but it grows stronger as the chorus starts. Her voice echoes as if the song was recorded in a large room. Shinji's shoulders go slack. His body relaxes, and he feels realization forming in the back of his brain but he can't quite piece the clues together. _She's got such a sweet voice but who is she? Why is she on this CD? _Shinji holds the penguin closer to his chest and furrows his brow in deep thought.

In the background of the song, he hears some low voices talking and some lighter female voices laughing and conversing. As the song comes to an end, the woman singing laughs too.

"Gendo!" the woman says. "Oh, be careful!" The woman hums and giggles. Shinji listens closely to his father's laugh. His parents talk and laugh together for a while before the CD stops.

Shinji's eyes go wide. His breathing halts for a second and his fingers twitch. He pulls the headphones off his ears and sits up, the stuffed penguin rolling onto the floor. His heart pounds in chest as if it was wanting to escape. Tears form in his eyes.

"T-That… that was her!" Shinji whispers in a strained voice. "That was Mom!"

* * *

Both Saturday and Sunday night, Shinji fell asleep listening to the song. He woke up Monday morning to the sound of his mother's heavenly singing. When he got dressed, the melody of Yui Ikari rang in his ears. As he ate a croissant for breakfast, he listened to the song again and again. But when he got into the car with his father, he stuffed the CD player deep into his messenger bag. The sound of his mother's voice was so soft that Shinji had to put the volume pretty high every time he listened to it. He didn't want to risk his father finding out what he was listening to. So Shinji was forced to listen to saxophone tunes for the whole ride to school.

The two Ikaris pull up into the drop off area of the school.

Gendo looks at his son. "You come straight home, okay?"

Shinji lowers his eyes and gazes at his hands. "Yes, Dad. I know. As soon as the final bell rings."

"That's right," Gendo says in a satisfied voice. "Don't try to do anything stupid. I'm not gonna pick you up today, I've got a lot of work. Just walk home. You've got the key?"

Shinji's fingers twitch. "Y-Yeah, I do," he mumbles as he places his hand on the car door.

Gendo unlocks it. "Well… have a good day, Shinji."

The boy nods then exits the car. He spots his group of friends sitting on the staircase leading to the school's front door. He walks quickly towards them, not trying to seem in a bad mood. Asuka spots him first.

"Hey!" she shouts. "It's the famous party boy!"

Everyone turns to look at Shinji. They all start talking and when he joins the group, he gets high fives and pats on the back. Rei nods in his direction with a smile. Kaworu gives him a tight hug, which makes the smaller boy blush.

"Why didn't you call any of us?" Toji asks,

"Yeah!" Asuka whines. "I was waiting for you! I tried calling you but your line was busy!"

"D-Dad cut off all the phones in the house," Shinji admits, "well, the ones I have access to. I know he has one in his room… but you know the deal."

Kaworu pulls Shinji's head close to his body. The silver haired boy rubs Shinji's hair with his delicate fingers. "I was worried about you," he says. "I waited by my phone all weekend."

"R-Really?" Shinji asks.

"Oo-ooh," Asuka snickers, "you two are so cute!

"So when's the wedding, Ikari-san?" Toji laughs.

"Suzuhara, don't you know! It's in June," Asuka says, nudging Shinji violently.

"Oh so it's a summer wedding?" Kensuke asks. "Shinji are you going to wear a dress?"

"Maybe a lace veil," Rei murmurs. "With flowers."

"W-What?" Shinji cries. "N-No! Cut it out you guys…"

The bell rings. The group of teenagers all giggle and joke and plan Shinji's fantasy wedding. Asuka pulls away from Toji and Kensuke and joins Shinji, who is in the back of the crowd. She touches his shoulder.

"Hey, Shinji," she says in a low voice, "thanks for what you did at the party. The closet thing. I'm really… happy you did that."

"Oh," Shinji replies, blushing, "y-you're welcome. But I would've done that for anyone! Really…"

Asuka scowls and smacks Shinji on the arm. "You idiot! You're supposed to say that you'd do things like that for me and me only!"

* * *

Gendo sits in his elegant office chair, listening to Ritsuko talking. Bored, he stares at her unbleached roots. _That's tragic. _His eyes go from her hair to the ceiling. _There's still 98 tiles up there. _He looks at the people before him. The laughing Katsuragi and Akagi talk amongst themselves. Gendo looks down at the computer technicians and studies the back of Hyuga's head. _He looks sort of tense._ Misato's voice rings throughout the room. Gendo glances around, searching for Fuyutsuki. Ritsuko turns to look at him.

"Commander Ikari?" she says. "Hello? Commander?"

Gendo glances at the smiling woman. "Yes?"

"How's Shinji? We were just wondering."

"Shinji? He's… okay."

Misato laughs. "Yeah right! I bet you beat his ass! That party was insane! Kaji-kun had to drive me home."

"What?" Ritsuko gasps. "Kaji was there too?"

Gendo feels his eyes twitch. "Why did two of my employees party with my son?" he mumbles flatly to no one in particular.

Ritsuko giggles. "Oh, Commander! Misato's just immature, just like Kaji."

"Oh Kaji's more than immature," a voice says. "He's here."

Gendo turns around. Fuyutsuki waves at him. Gendo feels his face flush and weakly waves back.

"Morning, Kozo-san!" Misato says. "Where is Kaji?"

"He's outside, smoking. I don't think he's that busy so-"

Misato flaps her hands. "Okay, okay! I'm there!" she yells as she runs out the front door.

Fuyutsuki takes his place beside Gendo and smiles. "I need to talk to you, Ikari."

"I don't know about now."

Ritsuko stands up straight. "Commander and vice commander," she says, "shouldn't we review the-"

"Maybe in a bit, Akagi."

Fuyutsuki presses a silver button on Gendo's desk and the platform the two men are standing on raises itself at a mind spinning speed. The various labs and break rooms of NERV go by in a blur until they reach Gendo's private office. Fuyutsuki dusts off his pants and steps on a glowing panel. A chair as luxurious as Gendo's pops up from the ground and Fuyutsuki sits down on it.

"When did you install that?" Gendo asks, loosening his grip on his own chair's armrests.

"Like two months ago. Anyway- I want to talk to you."

Gendo avoids Fuyutsuki's eyes. "About…?"

Fuyutsuki laughs. "I think you know what, Ikari-_san_."

"Well," Gendo sighs, "I don't know what to say."

"Just tell me."

"Look, Fuyutsuki, do you know how long it's been since Yui? Like twelve years. I'm so out of it. And what happened with Hyuga? That really messed me up."

Fuyutsuki gets closer to Gendo and rests his left hand on his shoulder.

"Ikari," Fuyutsuki says, "you worry a lot."

"I know I do."

"Don't worry anymore."

Gendo sighs deeply and takes off his glasses. He gives Fuyutsuki much wanted eye contact. "It's not that easy."

Fuyutsuki pulls Gendo closer to him. "It could be," he replies.

Their faces are almost touching. Gendo, feeling shy suddenly, looks down at the floor. "I really like you, Fuyutsuki."

"Hmm? I didn't catch that."

"I like you," Gendo mumbles.

"Really?"

"I thought about it and I've come to the conclusion-"

"God, you're so attractive."

"Huh?"

The vice commander's hands move to Gendo's face and their lips push against each other. Gendo's shoulders go slack as he finds his fingers running up Fuyutsuki's waist all the way up to his hair. They both kiss each other deeply- not aggressive but desperate enough. With Fuyutsuki between his legs, Gendo pushes his hips forward against the other man. They pull away from each other once in a while to breathe heavily before going back for more. As they do this, Gendo gets exceedingly turned on. The vice commander's fingers drop slowly between Gendo's thighs. The younger man, somewhat hesitantly, opens his legs a little wider. Fuyutsuki's right hand slides inside the front of Gendo's pants. The low moans leaving Gendo's lips get muffled by kisses.

"Fuyutsuki?" Gendo gasps as the vice commander's hand tightens.

"Yeah?"

"What if someone comes in?"

"You're _still_ worrying," Fuyutsuki laughs softly in Gendo's ear. His hand squeezes then moves in circular up and down motions.

Gendo closes his eyes and exhales deeply. He spreads his legs more when Fuyutsuki's fingers expertly unbutton his boxers. The vice commander's free hand sneaks up Gendo's shirt. Gendo's arms drops from around Fuyutsuki's shoulders to his chair's armrests. He feels his nails sinking into the soft black material. Fuyutsuki grabs the middle of Gendo's self and pulls his hand up. The process goes on for a moment and they kiss as if stopping would cause the other to disappear. Fuyutsuki stops moving his hand.

"Don't," Gendo murmurs, his eyes half shut and his cheek against Fuyutsuki's shoulder.

"Want me to go faster?"

Gendo sleepily nods, groaning as Fuyutsuki picks up the pace. He watches as hands touch him all over. Everything is blurry and warm. The sound of the vice commander's steady breathing mixes with the soft and breathy grunts coming from Gendo. In order to quiet things down, they kiss again, playing with each other's tongues. Fuyutsuki's other hand slides down Gendo's abdomen and back up to his neck again before resting in the middle of his chest. The younger man pulls his jacket off his own limp shoulders and lets it slide off the chair on to the floor.

Once free from his constricting jacket, Gendo puts his arms around Fuyutsuki's neck and gently moans in his ear. The older man's right hand moves faster causing the flushed commander to squirm at his touches. Gendo suppresses his groans by burying his face in Fuyutsuki's shirt. However, he can't stifle the loud moan that escapes from his lips once he climaxes. Every muscle is his body tenses for a brief second then goes slack. He throws his head back against his chair and closes his eyes. Fuyutsuki, who is equally exhausted, pulls himself away from Gendo and retrieves a handkerchief from his pocket.

Gendo snaps out of his short daze. He pulls his pants up to his hips and watches the vice commander clean up. He gets off his chair and adjusts his belt. Still finding it hard to breathe, Gendo takes hold of Fuyutsuki's shoulder and tries to balance himself.

"Are you okay?" Fuyutsuki asks.

Gendo nods. "I'm okay," he wheezes, "it's just been a while."

"I hope I didn't wear you out," Fuyutsuki sighs.

"You sort of did but that's okay," Gendo replies. He feels surprisingly affectionate. His arms wrap around the vice commander's waist. "I don't know what to do. Do I thank you? I feel like I'm obliged to do so." His fingers slowly trail down Fuyutsuki's back.

"How would you do that?"

"I-"

A sharp knock comes from the door. Gendo quickly withdraws his hands from Fuyutsuki and presses a button on his desk. The door slides open and standing there is Kaji, with a clipboard in his possession.

"Good morning, Ikari-san," he says with a halfhearted nod. He smiles. "Hey- where's your jacket? Lookin' sharp."

"What's the matter, Ryoji?" Gendo asks, slightly irritated.

Kaji shrugs. "I've just got a complaint I'd like for you to look at."

"Honestly just take that to Misato-"

"I already did, Commander. I did. She was the first one to look at it. Then Ritsuko. And I'm convinced all of the computer technicians have seen it."

Fuyutsuki and Gendo exchange glances. Kaji extends his arm to place the clipboard but then decides against it. He looks at Fuyutsuki.

"Oh," the vice commander says, looking at the two others in the room, "should I leave?"

Kaji nods. "It's pretty crazy."

"I'll be in the break room." Fuyutsuki touches Gendo's arm before getting up and walking out of the office. Kaji watches him leave from the corner of his eye before turning to Gendo and leaning his head in.

"Ryoji- what is it? How bad of a complaint do you have with you?" Gendo sighs.

"Well, it's not a crime or scheme or anything brutal. In fact, I _could've_ had it only presented to Misato but we both decided to show it to you too."

Gendo pulls his jacket off the floor then looks at the clipboard in Kaji's arms and puts it on. "Can I see it?"

"Sure," Kaji says coolly. He passes it to the anxious commander.

Gendo takes a moment to go over it. At first, he seems unbothered by it but as he continues to read it becomes obvious that he's upset.

"_I don't appreciate Commander Ikari feeling me up in the elevator and then staring at me for the rest of the day afterwards."_

Kaji, indifferent to the situation, leans on Gendo's desk. The two sit in silence for a minute before Gendo pushes the clipboard back to Kaji.

"Ryoji?"

"Yes, Commander?"

"There wasn't a name. Was this anonymous?"

"Oh no, I didn't exactly need a name because this particular complaint was not submitted into the complaint box. It was written in front of me and handed to me by Hyuga-san, sir."

Gendo sighs. "When?"

"Oh just now, when I walked in. The computer technicians were talking about you and Hyuga was obviously upset. I asked what the problem was and… well, he gave me that."

"But," Gendo says, the annoyance apparent in his voice, "this is completely false."

"Is it? I thought it was pretty believable. As did the rest of the staff."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Gendo asks. He groans in frustration. "So everyone saw this?"

Kaji nods. "I could clear things up but who'd listen to me? I'm not the one mentioned in it."

_I guess I've got to do something. _Gendo press the silver button on his desk and tries to keep his breathing steady as the desk lowers itself to the control room. Dark halls and rooms flash past the two men. Once at the designated floor, Kaji taps Gendo's desk reassuringly before going down to the computer technicians' station to get Hyuga. Gendo watches as the bespectacled man nods and walks up the stairs that lead to commander's desk. Gendo tries to sink deep into his chair and avoid eye contact with Hyuga.

Hyuga stands in front of Gendo's desk, turning back to look at the others. Gendo peers over his desk and feels his face get hot when he notices everyone is staring at them. He falls back in his chair.

"Hyuga," he says in a low voice.

"Yes? Commander?" Hyuga replies, adjusting his glasses.

"Why did you write that?" Gendo slowly asks, turning his face away from the man in front of him.

"What?" Hyuga says innocently.

"The complaint. Why-"

Hyuga crosses his arms angrily and frowns. "Well, maybe I'm a little pissed off!" he says.

Whispers come from the NERV employees below. "Quiet down," Gendo whispers. "Why are you mad?"

"You know why! It's not fair that you left me there that night!"

A soft commotion breaks out at the computer technicians' station. Gendo stands up and looks Hyuga in the eyes. "It was going good until you brought out the-"

Everyone in the room gasps. Hyuga groans. "Well you were giving me hints!"

"Hints? No I wasn't, I really wasn't! And just because I rejected your advances doesn't mean you have to fabricate some story about me being some sort of groper!"

The employees below all gossip excitedly amongst themselves. Hyuga bites his lip. "W-Well maybe that's what I want from you!" he shouts, grabbing Gendo's sleeves.

The room explodes with talk. Everyone is saying something and their loud voices intermingle. Gendo pulls himself away from Hyuga and falls back in his chair, sighing and rubbing his temples.

"Is that what you're into, Makoto-kun?" Misato calls. "The whole boss thing?"

Ritsuko laughs. "Wow, that's a surprise. It's weird. N-Not that I'm _not_ like that, Commander Ikari."

"Ew, so you're like that?" Misato shrieks.

"There are exceptions here."

"Can I do that to you, Dr. Akagi?" Maya asks, wiggling her fingers in Ritsuko's direction.

"I mean, I would let him," Aoba says, thinking out loud to himself more than anything, "only if I got a raise after. No offense, Commander Ikari. Like you're cool for an old dude so it's okay."

Gendo's rests his head on his desk. Hyuga stands with his hands on his hips, glares down at the defeated looking commander. "I know how close you are with Kozo-san, so of course you two wouldn't want some hotter, younger guy to interfere with that!" Hyuga rages.

"No way!" Maya gasps. "Is it like that?"

"I'm trying to piece this together," Ritsuko sighs, "but I'm still confused."

"What's going on?"

Everyone turns to look at the door of the break room. Fuyutsuki, looking especially peppy, joins the conversation. The staff all quiet down. Hyuga bows nervously at the vice commander and goes back to his computer at the bottom level of the control room. Gendo unintelligibly mumbles.

"Ikari-san," Fuyutsuki says, "come have an espresso in the break room. We got the macchiato setting installed."

"Okay," Gendo sighs, pulling himself weakly out of his chair. He follows the vice commander into the break room.

"So it _is_ like that!" Misato squeals.

* * *

Shinji, with his head on his desk, tugs on Rei's sleeve. She turns around.

"Yes? Ikari-san?" she says under her breath.

"Am I cool?" Shinji asks before covering his face with his arms.

"I don't… understand. Why are you asking me?"

"Well after the party my dad got really upset with me. I feel like such a little kid," he confesses, "and I'm not! I'm already fifteen and- and my birthday's coming up and I-I just hate how I get in trouble!"

"Anyone would have gotten in trouble."

"I don't know about that," Shinji mumbles through his fingers.

"Your dad is just… different," Rei whispers with a slight smile. "I don't think he interferes with you being cool or not."

"I'm tired of being the one in our group who doesn't understand jokes and I- I hate getting my phone taken away! Everyone's so mature and I'm not. I don't even wanna _see_ my dad today. I swear he tried to make me puke but instead he just gave me the sh-"

Rei places a small sushi eraser on his desk with a loud thump. Shinji looks up. "You have to prove you're mature," Rei suggests in a soft voice.

"Prove? Who do I prove that to?"

"Commander Ikari," Rei answers, playing with the eraser.

Shinji groans and the last bell of the day rings. The whole class stands and bows before leaving to the next class. Rei takes the eraser off Shinji's desk and quickly slings her backpack over her shoulder and begins to walk out the door. Shinji grabs her shoulder.

"W-Wait! Ayanami-san!" he wheezes, struggling to balance himself on his feet while lifting his heavy messenger bag.

"Yes?" Rei says absentmindedly.

"Why were you on my dad's bed at the party?" he asks.

Rei recoils in confusion. "What? What are you talking about?" she asks, turning a light shade of pink.

"T-That night you were laying on my dad's bed!" he answers. "Were you drunk?"

Rei purses her lips and walks out the door, with Shinji close behind her. "I don't remember that," she replies. Her legs begin to move faster and faster. She avoids looking at Shinji.

"Rei?" he calls, trying to speak over the noise building up in the hallway. She turns around and waves hurriedly then gets lost in the crowd of students. Shinji sighs. _Why did she look so annoyed with me right now? _He looks from the ground to the end of the hall and spots Asuka and a group of girls. He shakes his head to himself and spins around on his heels, deciding to take the long way to the school's exit. As soon as he does this, he bumps into someone.

"S-Sorry about that," he stutters.

"Shinji," Kaworu says in a surprised voice, "weren't you going to wait for me? Do you still want me to walk you home? I don't have practice today."

"Oh," Shinji mumbles, blushing. "I-I'd like that."

Kaworu smiles. "Okay! I'll take your bag."

He reaches over to pull the strap off Shinji's shoulder, but Shinji pulls away. "Wait! N-No! Kaworu! You don't have to walk me home!"

"What? Why? I don't mind."

"N- It's not that… it's just… I want to see you tonight."

"Wh…Really? When?"

Shinji nervously looks down at his shoes. _I should do this. _"Can you meet me at Kiku-bi Park at six, after dinner? I'll be there… I d-don't have a phone but I'll be there, I promise."

Kaworu stands up straighter and suddenly looks ecstatic. "Sure! I'll be there. At six."

Shinji turns around to leave, but turns back around to give Kaworu a tiny kiss on the cheek. "Bye, Kaworu-kun." He waves at the tall pale boy and leaves him standing there, pleasantly surprised, in the empty hallway.


End file.
